After trying to resuscitate the machine, it appears I have no term log.
This upgrade wasn't even meant to be an actual test. After fixing the
EOL 17.04 problem on my father's laptop and how horribly that went due
to our ISP's service, I was attempting to see if it was the ISP or us
causing grief.

During the two tries I went through to get things finished, multiple
errors occured due to multiple packages contending over a single file
that they wanted to overwrite. I got that straightened out with removals
and breaks. Running do-release-upgrade left too many things from the
17.10 suite on the machine before this first problem which is where it

Marking plymouth for reinstallation after I filed the bug resolved it.

As to lsb-release, I now have this:

skellat@Dreadnought:~$ apt-cache policy lsb-release
Installed: 9.20170808ubuntu1
Candidate: 9.20170808ubuntu1
Version table:
*** 9.20170808ubuntu1 500
500 bionic/main amd64 Packages
500 bionic/main i386 Packages
100 /var/lib/dpkg/status

I didn't have anything screwy from a PPA installed in lieu of what
rmadison shows as the available versions of lsb-release:

skellat@Dreadnought:~$ rmadison lsb-release
lsb-release | 4.0-0ubuntu20 | precise | all
lsb-release | 4.0-0ubuntu20.3 | precise-updates | all
lsb-release | 4.1+Debian11ubuntu6 | trusty | all
lsb-release | 4.1+Debian11ubuntu6.2 | trusty-updates | all
lsb-release | 9.20160110 | xenial | all
lsb-release | 9.20160110ubuntu0.2 | xenial-updates | all
lsb-release | 9.20160110ubuntu5 | artful | all
lsb-release | 9.20170808ubuntu1 | bionic | all

Since I'm missing the necessary logs this probably needs to be moved to
Invalid. If somebody else sees it happen it can always be reborn in a
duplicate marking. After four rounds resolving broken packages I'm at
least left with this:

skellat@Dreadnought:~$ lsb_release -a
No LSB modules are available.
Distributor ID:        Ubuntu
Description:    Ubuntu Bionic Beaver (development branch)
Release:      18.04
Codename:        bionic

On Tue, Feb 20, 2018 at 12:42:54AM +0000, Steve Langasek wrote:

This does not explain /why/ lsb-release is not yet configured. Please
attach a complete dpkg term log from the upgrade, showing the root cause
of this failure to configure.

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  package plymouth-theme-ubuntu-text 0.9.2-3ubuntu17 failed to
  install/upgrade: dependency problems - leaving triggers unprocessed

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