Sebunya: When Laughter
is the Best Fertiliser
Ugandans are a lucky people. We shall never lack a dignitary entertaining us free of charge. Anyone who thought that with the departure of former Vice President Dr Specioza Kazibwe we should have no straight-talking minister left, was clearly mistaken.
We now have another star in the person of Dr Sebunya Kibirige. Indeed, it is not surprising that it is Dr Sebunya who has inherited Dr Kazibwe�s mantle. You see, Sebunya served as Kazibwe's deputy in the Ministry of Agriculture and some of the ex-VP�s unique style must have rubbed off on him during that time.
They worked together during the valley dam saga, that interesting episode when billions of shillings were lost because contractors built the dams in a format that was difficult to see with the naked eye. Kazibwe, who was then the senior agriculture minister, explained that when you are not a trained engineer, you might not be able to see a valley dam even when you are standing on one.
Members of Parliament were not amused and wanted to censure all the ministers in agriculture. President Museveni averted the crisis by effecting a cabinet reshuffle, taking Kazibwe away from agriculture and leaving her only as vice president.
The president then made a passionate plea for Sebunya, explaining that he was a top scientist who has contributed greatly to agricultural research, developing useful crop breeds for Uganda. To eleborate further what a lucky find it was to get Sebunya, the president said he had found the man in a run-down research station, with his toes sticking out of his worn shoes. The MPs dropped their plans of censuring Sebunya.
The minister went on with his countrywide tours, as expected of his portfolio. When he met farmers from Sese islands in Kalangala district, he was told that monkeys were eating their crops. Promptly, he advised them to start eating the monkeys to solve the problem.
Sebunya was beginning to mature in the art of public speech. Come the stormy elections of 2001, he went back to the rural voters to seek re-election to parliament. He reminded the voters of the good things that came from taking education seriously. There were six university degrees in his bedroom alone, he revealed, since his wife is also a PhD.
A couple of months ago, Sebunya decided he was not amused by the amount of time poor villagers were spending on the luxury of debating whether a president should be allowed to rule for a third term. Sebunya bluntly stated that people who wore slippers in public should not engage in political talk. He advised them to concentrate on uplifting their living standards and leave political debates to those who wore neckties and suits -- like himself.
This remark attracted criticism from several quarters. But once you are given to making juicy remarks, you can't just wake up one day and stop talking. Last week, Sebunya was back in the news, this time on a more intimate subject. "I am now in position to store my sperm for 100 years," he declared.
The declaration was made at the appropriate forum. Sebunya was addressing a workshop on seed production. Since he had spent most of his adult life in research, it was only fitting that he brief fellow scientists on his latest achievement. After all, he gave us improved coffee varieties and a host of other scientific innovations.
And now what he was saying was that it was not only millionaires who could handle fertility and conception problems by going to expensive hospitals abroad; that the technology for external fertilisation of human beings was now available in Uganda. But when the person saying something is reputed to be a funnyman, what he says can also sound funny, however serious and important.
So, in these time of Joseph Kony's endless slaughter of humans; strange debate of third terms; reports of continued corruption in the army, we have to thank the authorities for giving us Kibirige Sebunya. Here is one politician who does not depress us whenever he opens his mouth.
Mr Buwembo is Editor of The Sunday Vision of Kampala.
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