Austine Ejiet
Babies are equal; but some are more equal than others
September 28, 2003
A couple of weeks ago, the planet Mars moved so close to planet Earth that it was said to be visible to the naked eye. This phenomenon occurs only once every 50,000 years, or so astronomers claim.� I am not anybody's astronomer; but an event so rare as this could not help but excite my curiosity. One night I braved the cold and got out to search the heavens. Lo and behold! There it was in the eastern part of the sky!
Soon three men whose preoccupation, it appears, was to study the stars joined me. I don't know whether they had just staggered out of Ange Noir Discotheque, but they claimed they had come from the east.
I, willing to lend a sympathetic ear, being from the east myself, thought their seemingly drunken dribble about being new in "Jerusalem", confirmed my earlier fears that they had probably had too much to drink.
"Where is the baby born to the king of this land? We saw his star when it came up in the east, and we have come to worship him (or her)," they asked.
I pointed towards Bugolobi-which the fools mistook for Bethlehem. And so they left. On their way they saw the same star they had seen in the east.
According to reports which appeared in a seedy tabloid the next day, the star (Mars) went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the newborn child was. They brought out their gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh and presented them to the baby. Gold, yes. But frankincense and myrrh? The mysteries of the Congo must be truly unfathomable.
Later on I learnt that an eminent woman, heavy with child, had had the indiscretion of undertaking a gruelling journey from Nakasero -sorry! I mean to say Nazareth in Galilee, to the town of Bethlehem, somewhere in Germany, (or is it Judea?) to partake in a census ordered by the Roman Emperor Augustus.
But instead of travelling in style aboard a supersonic Concorde jet, as befits the mother of a future king, the good lady and her carpenter husband opted for a donkey. Believe it? A donkey! The most brainless animal on earth. And during bitterly cold winter too.
I don't know what kind of travel agent they used; but instead of checking into a super luxurious 10-star hotel, they ended up in a filthy farm animal pen.
When the labour pains set in, they had neither hot water, clean towels, nor the most rudimentary antiseptics, but only a strip of cloth for warmth and a manger for a baby cot.
How that baby escaped an attack of tetanus and pneumonia, will remain one of the unsolved mysteries of modern times.
So why is everyone bleating about one of the president's daughters borrowing a spanking new Gulf Stream presidential jet to fly to Germany to have her baby?
This country is still a republic-at least nominally-and theoretically all citizens are supposed to be equal.
But this is the 21st Century, fellow countrymen, and not the year of Our Lord, that is over 2000 years ago.
Did Ugandans in all honesty expect the president's daughter to get onto a donkey and head for some back street maternity clinic where both she and the unborn child would be exposed to all sorts of dreadful perils?
Get real. All babies are created equal, but some babies are more equal than others.
And not just the babies. Although this country is liberally endowed with hospitals and health centres-thanks to those bankrupt leaders of a bygone age-the smart thing nowadays is to fly off to Europe, North America, or at least South Africa to get a stubbed toe bandaged.
Why not, if someone else is picking the tab? The other day the august Minister of Health was talking about providing every district in the country with a referral hospital.
Really! A referral hospital for extracting jiggers, when there are space age facilities in India for such chores! Go home, Lord Jim. Try finding enough aspirin first.
If I were the Hon James Katugugu Muhwezi, I would close down the so-called wing of New Mulago Hospital and turn it into money generating cafeteria or a branch of Tristar sweatshop for AGOA garments. Nobody needs it for medical attention.
Finally about the jet. A few weeks ago there was a lot of hot air generated concerning the use of government registered vehicles outside official working hours.
The thing about hot air is that it will dissipate into the atmosphere as soon as it is released. You do not buy a saucepan when you know you cannot cook.
Similarly an expensive contraption like a Gulf Stream jet must not be allowed to rust in the hangar due to lack of use.
As for the Magi, or the three wise men from the West, put your gold, rank-incense and myrrh where your mouths are. If you need another Mobutu, Kamuzu Banda or Houphouet Boigny, try another continent for a change.
� 2003 The Monitor Publications
