Do love, gifts sleep together?
By Muhereza Kyamutetera
Oct 24, 2003
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In romantic relationships, men are often mistaken for some sort of ATM machines. Just look at such days as St Valentine�s and birthdays (virtual or real). Men shoulder the heavier burden. Women expect them to dash to Aristoc, Chintu�s or any other fancy gift store to demonstrate the degree of the love in question. Failure to do this could be understood to be a battle cry; he must be seeing somebody else, she thinks, therefore, qualifies for excommunication. There are some men who are also taken with gifts and will raise hell when that bottle of his favourite whisky that he expected did not turn up on his birthday. So, can we say that love and gifts are synonymous? The line between the two is so thin that it would require the precision of a surgical professor to cut it apart. But should we really let the size or value of the gift speak on behalf of what lies deep inside the heart? Ms Maria Ahaisibwe, a first year Bachelor of tourism student in Makerere University thinks so. �I think if somebody loves you, they must be able to give you something on such days like Christmas, Valentines or your birthday. How else can they show they have been thinking about you all along?� she asked. How about if they are poor and they cant afford anything? �First I would not fall in love with such a poor guy and, second, I do not think there is anybody too poor to afford anything where love is concerned,� she says. But Ms Harriet Namaganda, a businesswoman in Kikuubo, has a totally different view. �For me, love is one gift my man can give me and it doesn�t have to be for any day, I expect it at all times throughout the year. If this love means gifts or not, that�s for him to decide. In any case, I have seen men who buy lots of gifts but don�t actually love their women,� she says. So does lots of gifts signify love? �Yes and no�, says Mr Julius Twinobusingye, an unemployed Nkumba University Graduate. If I am a rich man, I may buy a gift of a million shillings not because I love but because I have the money. On the other hand if a poor man buys a gift well beyond his means, it means he is in love,� he says. But he also says there are men who buy very expensive gifts to just show off. �They just want to create a false impression, they are target workers. They impress, sleep with the women and run away when they are done,� he says. Ms Jolive Nyangababo a trainee nurse at Mulago Nursing School also believes so. �I think love can be read from several other things including, but not limited to, gifts. Love and commitment are such wide subjects with various angles that to deduce it from how many gifts or of what value would be simplistic,� she says. �A gift is an inanimate object. How can it spell love? It therefore must be placed in context to assume meaning. You should look at the time before and after the gift has been presented to judge if actually the gift was a sign of love,� says 54 year-old Ms Jovita Muwanga, a house wife and mother of seven. �These days, gifts have become a fashion. Boys and girls know right from the start that gifts are a matter of course in a relationship,� she says. �To me, a gift must speak volumes about the giver. For example the kind of gift, how it is wrapped, and the message inside, all work in unison to bring out the message. But this only makes sense if the giver backs this up with actions that show genuine love,� she adds. And what are these back ups? �For example, I must not first remind him about my birthday before he brings me this other expensive shoe or perfume,� she says. So the next time they take you to that fancy restaurant or buy you that cologne you have been eyeing for two years, think twice before you declare them great lovers; they may be just target workers. |
� 2003 The Monitor Publications
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