Stuck with a mummy's boy
In this age when there are more men than women, any man over 30 and still living with his parents definitely elicits a 'proceed-with-caution' tag.CATHERINE AWUOR writes.
There should be some form of guideline as to when people should move out of their parents' house. When things are left to one's discretion as this issue has been, then it results in all forms of disaster. With women, it's not that bad, chances are if a woman stays home up until the day she gets married, the effects may not be as bad as that of a man who does the same. In families struggling to fit into a small house, everyone can hardly wait to grow up and move out.
Problem lies where there is a lot of room to spare. It then appears it would make no sense to move out, when there is so much room, better to stay and help with the bills.
On TV sometime back, there was some woman trying to justify why she still breastfeeds her seven-year-old son. The boy would come from school and instead of tea and bread, he'd breastfeed. That's weird but so is a grown man coming home in the evening to sit at his mother's table.
I figure as soon as one starts earning a salary, he should move out and not to the servant's quarters of his parents' house. Go out, change estates, change towns move away.
If you're going to marry a man straight from his mother's bosom, you'll have to contend with a lot.
Before we get into the marriage issue, I've always wondered how it goes during the dating period. If he ever invites you home, is it with his parents at home and do you all chat and then they leave to go upstairs
and give you a chance to talk or are you only invited when his parents are not home, which is very juvenile.
For those who dare spend the night, isn't that some form of taboo to be getting on with whatever you're doing with his mother a few doors away?
Somehow, you survived the dating period and got married or moved in together, you might as well ask his mother to move in with you. The man who has been staying alone for a while remembers the many times he had to eat out; if Kenchic delivered, he'd have had an account. Unless he's some form of gourmet chef, his culinary skills probably amounted to eggs, boiled or scrambled, baked beans, watery beef stew many times eaten with bread. With such a man, any improvement you bring will be highly appreciated. The one straight from home, remembers that food was always waiting when he got home, chicken, chapati and other things you only make when inspired were common meals with his mummy.
He may have worked for a long time, but having lived with his parents literally forever, his possessions will consist of a lot of toys. However, this may be better than one who never bothered to buy anything. So either he'll have the latest gadgets, TV, DVD, HiFi system or he'll have his mobile phone and money in the bank. It may seem exciting to have to buy everything when you start out, but it would be much better to at least have some few things and save some money.
Unless his mother was strict, which will then not explain why he's still at home, he probably had no chores at home. Of course, it may be expected that the maid may do everything when you get married. However, those who stay alone have at some point had to do the dishes, wash a shirt or two and make their bed. Get yourself a man from his mother's home and watch your maid or even you have to wash underwear, after all, at his mother's house all he had to do was work and bring home some money, if at all.
You'll be spending a lot of time at his parents' house. This may be all nice and sweet but after some time, it could get to you. It's understandable that
having lived twenty plus years somewhere, one would be attached to the place. It's not a clich� because you will really be competing with his mother. Probably every woman has to compete to some degree with her man's mother, but if he'd stayed alone a while, the memory of home may have dimmed a bit.
If he has any bad habits, be prepared to live with them until death or a divorce do you part. If his mother could live with his coming home late drunk,
smoking in the house, having the boys over every weekend, how do you justify trying to change him? If a man has lived alone, he probably did a lot of stuff
just because he could, things he wouldn't have dared at home.
One thing the man from home probably won't have is a sense of urgency. Somehow, living at your parents' home, whether you are paying the bills or not, tends to make issues like security, water shortages appear less serious than they would if you were living alone.
You get yourself a mummy's boy and you'll appear like a nagging paranoid wife every time you worry about unpaid bills and future expenses like the kid's school fees etc.
We established some time back that there were already too few men for the available women; it therefore means one cannot be too choosy. In an ideal situation, given a ratio of 1:1, or better still with more women than men, any man still at home would be a 'proceed with caution' one. However, if all that is available to you is the man delivered fresh from his mother's home, take the chance and hope for the best. Maybe his father had some influence and made sure he didn't turn out completely spoilt. Maybe his mother made sure he
learnt responsibility just as if he'd stayed alone.
Maybe he managed to think of the future and acquire more than just electronics. Maybe he even turned out better than those who stayed alone. If all this is
true, then maybe pigs really do fly.
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