By Nalwoga Eva
Feb 27 - March 5, 2004
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I think every human being has feelings of love. In the early stages of adolescence, we used to handle love matters as secretively as possible.
Eventually, we learnt that it is hard to control nature. And today, things are different. People in love tell each other so, the only contention being who should do so first. We have been told that it is not good for women to approach men and declare their feelings for them. But the fact is, when you realise that you are grown up, new feelings and emotions surge through your body. Then you see boys and fall for them. The emotions may grow so strong that you decide to do something about them. Because you are a girl, you try to be as subtle as possible and use signs like walking by and smiling, borrowing his pens or novels or taking him on with questions like �why do you hate me?�
This still happens in schools, where teenage crushes are common and girls tend to be romantically ready but have no one to lavish their emotions on. They become poised as socially at ease at an earlier age than the boys, so they decide to �love� men. That is how some of them end up with teachers or other older, supposedly unattainable men. Sometimes women end up with men without even asking them how they feel. When she realised that mistake, she went and asked him how he felt. He denied having any feelings for her. She didn�t mind though because she said she could tell from his looks and acts that he loved her. Another woman infatuated with a popular singer, wanted him for a boyfriend. So she prayed about it. She slept with his album because it was the closest she could get to him. She told us that if this did not work, she would kill herself. It did not. Women get into relationships with men sometimes because of the pressure for them to date. When most of your peers are dating, and you know that you are not weird or different from them, the pressure rises. In several instances that I know of, this has led some women to initiate relationships with men verbally. I mean walking up to a man and saying �I love you�, sending him an sms, e-mail or friends for that matter. Or giving him gifts until he gets the point. The pressure to date can also stem from relatives. My friend Mary Ann, 15, was asked out on a date. Her aunt excitedly urged her on saying that whether she wanted to marry the boy or not had nothing to do with it. After all, she was told, if you always turn guys down, you will end up being so unpopular and no one will be asking you out. We all have different pressures but for women, the internal pressure that affects us comes from the desire for warmth and affection.
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� 2004 The Monitor Publications
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