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Article Published on:
29th July 2004. |
| BABA PAGERO: Mama Kisanja not in �mood� |
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Mama Kisanja is one of those �liberated� women. I mean the type that could easily take you to court for some thing as silly and flimsy as �marital rape�. So, munange there are days when am dying to have federo, but she denies it to me � magulu gamu style � saying mbu she is not in the mood! My grandmother must be turning in her grave� I mean how can a wife deny her beloved husband federo simply because she is possessed by some silly notion called mood?
I am a linguist of sorts. I have searched and searched but found no vocabulary in my language or Mama Kisanja�s that is equivalent to a woman�s mood. I was very close to my granny and I used to overhear her teach my unmarried aunties how to make their men happy. Once, speaking in parables to avoid scandalising me, I saw her show my aunties special herbs which they could roll and place in their federo slots to make it soft and nice to the ultimate comfort and satisfaction of their husbands. I still know the herbs because she used to specially grow them at the back of her hut. Grandma also showed them how to wear special waist beads (butiiti) to make the act of federo even more attractive to their men, so that they were not tempted to seek satisfaction elsewhere. Grandma preached the same sex talk as the BBC did this week: A wife should behave like a nun in public but become a whore in her husband�s bed. Not once did I ever hear granny say anything about women not being in their moods. Once I overheard granny advise a married aunt how to win back her randy husband. She told her to wash the dirt off his trouser bottom, mix it with some herbs and drink it� �He gathers that dirt as he moves around looking for other women. If you drink it, you will make him think only of you!� When I tried to tell Mama Kisanja about grandma�s great wisdom that kept her in marriage for 58 years until her death 10 years ago, she asked me why I did not �marry� my grandmother instead. Poor grandma, if only she could break loose from the underworld and hammer some marriage tips into Mama Kisanja�s head. The other day my friend Salongo Yowana Kasule invited me to his kasiki in Matugga. It was a great pre-wedding party, spiced with a special performance by a Congolese band imported from Kinshasa by Gen. Taban Amin. It reminded me of my own kasiki seven years ago when Mama Kisanja, then known as Mama Nalubengo, had dragged me to the altar. The Afrigo Band played on that special occasion. The fond memories of that day put me in the mood as I quickly drove home at midnight. Mama Kisanja was surprised to see me home �so early� from a kasiki. Meantime, I was warming up for federo. But trust Mama Kisanja; she turned the other way � actually crossed over to the other bed. I asked her why she did not want to give me federo on such a romantic night. One, she said, she was not in the mood. Mbu I had even rushed things without what President Museveni would consider �elaborate� preps or warm-up a.k.a. foreplay. Two, she did not like my breath since I had been drinking. Grandma, have you heard this mood nonsense! In your days, was there such a thing as a man having bad breath? |
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