By Carolyn Hax
Washington Post Staff Writer
Wednesday, June 15, 2005; C11
Dear Carolyn:
My girlfriend, "Amy," is extremely paranoid, and more than once she has accused me of sleeping with a co-worker, "Jane." Jane has become a close friend and we enjoy each other's company. I have done everything I can think of to show Amy I am true: I don't talk with Jane outside work, I don't go into work when she's there (unless I have to), and I have removed Jane's phone number from my cell phone. I have even started looking for another job, just so I am not around Jane!
I thought this fixed the problem, but during a disagreement on a completely separate subject, Amy brings up Jane again. This makes me believe Amy will be happy only if I stop being friends with Jane. However, I refuse to do this because I believe it sets a precedent where she can demand I give up a great job, or time with my family, or whatever.
I just don't know what to do, and her behavior is making me think I shouldn't be with her. I have asked numerous people (family and friends) for advice. Sadly, it was unanimous: Dump her. I think they don't like her, so I thought I would ask you.
Going Nuts
If you stop being friends with Jane, Amy will be jealous of Sally.
If you restructure your life to avoid in-person encounters with any women besides Amy, Amy will furtively check your cell records.
If you and Amy are the lone inhabitants of a desert isle and she witnesses you throwing your cell phone into the sea, Amy will accuse you of:
A) Having a second phone hidden somewhere.
B) Slipping the phone into your loincloth and secretly substituting a cell-shaped rock.
C) Cruising mermaids.
D) All of the above.
If you chose A, B, C or D, you're missing the point: Amy's problem isn't Jane, it's Amy.
And your problem isn't Amy, it's you: for remaining with someone either too insecure to trust you (if her suspicions are unfounded), or too weak to dump you (if her suspicions are well founded).
And for shopping around endlessly for the opinion you want to hear, instead of dumping her and going for Jane.
| Photo Credit: Nick Galifianakis For The Washington |
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