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Back from Juba, land of late Garang,
and I found this piece which I was advised to send
"TO
A MAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE LADIES YOU
THINK CAN HANDLE IT! "
DMN
A
sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new
Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without
leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use
the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After
months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been
developed.
Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."
MALE PROCEDURE:
1.
Drive up to the cash machine. 2.
Put down your car window. 3.
Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4.
Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5.
Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6.
Put window up. 7.
Drive off. *****************************************************face="Times
New Roman"> FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1.
Drive up to cash machine. 2.
Reverse and back up, pull forward, back up and so forth and repeat as
many
times as required to align car window with the ATM machine.
3.
Set parking brake, put the window down. 4.
Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate bank card.
5.
Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6.
Attempt to insert card into machine. 7.
Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive
distance
from the car. 8.
Insert card. 9.
Re-insert card the right way with magnetic strip pointing the way
the little
picture indicates. 10.
Dig through handbag and examine each receipt to see if PIN# is written
there. Finally, search through phone book to find your PIN written on the
inside of the back page. 11.
Enter PIN into ATM machine . 12.
Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN. 13.
Enter amount of cash required. 14.
Check makeup in rear view mirror. 15.
Retrieve cash and receipt.
16.
Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17.
Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18.
Re-check makeup. 19.
Drive forward 2 feet. 20.
Reverse back to cash machine. 21.
Retrieve card. 22.
Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23.
Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24.
Restart stalled engine and pull off. 25.
Redial person on cell phone. 26.
Drive for 2 to 3 miles. 27.
Release Parking Brake.
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