Ssemakula <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
Bw. Otim,This letter reminds one of the 1999 book
"You Have Been Allocated Uganda": Letters from a District Officer
----- Original Message ----
From: Ochan Otim <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Sent: Tuesday, May 23, 2006 3:57:28 PM
Subject: [UNAANET] Fwd: Dear Mr. President, Give Me Lake VictoriaGen. Yoweri Kaguta Museveni, President of the Republic of Uganda.
Dear Mr. President,
RE: Purchase of Lake Victoria
Greetings from the people of Nebbi. How are the kids? What about Mama
Janet? I believe they are all ballistic as usual. Now Kaguta, I have
a deal, where I need your go ahead. Please don't tell anyone lest
guys in the media learn about it and blow it out of proportion.
I know you are in the business of giving away prime property to
investors. You gave away Shimoni and even UTV to some dwanzies. You
almost gave away the Dairy Corporation, but you discovered those
chaps were paying only one dollar instead of one million dollars!
Anyway, that's not the issue. The issue is, I want to buy Lake
Victoria. I swear unlike the Sudanese, I will pay for it. I have
arranged cheque number 2345678 from Greenland Bank to sort out this deal.
I know you are wondering why Lake Victoria of all places, but let me
assure you that we guys who have money are never taken round in
circles. When I want Lake Victoria, it has to be that and nothing
else. I mean, If I have come to kwana you, why are you telling me
that you have a cuter sister?
Mr. President, Lake Victoria is of no value to the people of Uganda.
First of all, it's drying up at a very high rate that Ugandans have
resorted to drinking water from the Rwenzori and using candles. I
have teamed up with some buddies from Kaduna in Nigeria and we plan
to develop the lake to first-class world standards. Our consortium,
AGABI Ltd, is headquartered on the Internet and I promise that if you
avail us this lake, we shall wait for it to dry up, then put up a
very ballistic hotel!
My partners boast of vast experience in third world investments. One
of them, Mr. Olusegon Obafemi, is the brain behind the world famous
419 Scam that keeps the CIA on their toes. The other chap, Mr.
Patrick Oyulu, is such a great investor that he deposited a ka little
something inside someone and today, he has a bouncing baby boy. As
you can see, my team is of powerful businessmen and to sweeten it
even more, the majority shareholders in this consortium are Ugandans.
So you will be giving back to your people!
Mr. President, I know you are wondering what will happen to the
people who have been consuming this water. Well, we have plans for
that. We shall sell water to wanainchi at a very minimal price. We
shall also sell water to National Water at a very minimal price. We
shall have a barter deal with the breweries and give them water in
exchange for beer. We shall also sell fish to Ugandans at a very minimal price!
Mr. President, I know you are smiling and you are going to sell us
Lake Victoria, but before you do that, is it also possible to buy the
rights over the rains that fall in Uganda. With this, we would
maximise our grip on the water sources in this country and we would
employ thousands of Ugandans to collect this water - they call it
creating employment!
Mr. President, I hope after this deal is sealed, we should be able to
buy State Lodge Nakasero and State House Entebbe and that house in Rwakitura.
We also want to put hotels there. I have the conviction that we can
employ about 27 Ugandans in total!
I will call you next week to discuss this further. Otherwise, feel
free to call me on 0752 445367,
Sincerely, Saggy
CC: Moses Byaruhanga
CC: Dr. Maggie Kigozi
The writer is executive director
Uganda: Mr. President, Give Me Lake Victoria
May 19, 2006
Posted to the web May 22, 2006
Harry Sagara
Kampala
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Ochan Otim
NB: In case you are not aware, there is a petition to stop the
Northern Uganda Genocide
at: http://www.petitiononline.com/savacoli/petition.html
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