Hello All I very rarely spend time on transcribing those things which do not provide, at least on the off chance, a lead, or a possible ancestor. However, I came across a couple of these that gave me a chuckle, so I thought to share it. I wonder what our ancestors believed as they read the news? :-)
from the edition of 22 Aug. 1840 The Advantages of Education, Irish v. Scotch Pigs A drover appeared before the Lord Mayor the other day for an assault, which originated in consequence of his having used the 'Irish' method of pig-driving to some Scotch pigs, whilst in charge of them, instead of confining himself to that to which the pigs had been accustomed from their birth. The Lord Mayor - “small blame to him” - expressed surprised, when his lordship was enlightened after the following fashion: "Scotch pigs, my lord” said a witness against the drover, "are much more shy than Irish, and they require quite a different kind of driving. This drover, however, drove 19 Scotch pigs more 'Hibernico'; that is, he goaded them so sharply that one ran into a shop; whereupon the plaintiff, a gentleman passing the time, told the drover that he was a brute. In return for the compliment, he received a poke. The defendant, while speaking to the charge, informed the Lord Mayor that it was all a mistake to suppose he had treated the pigs roughly, for his pigs were the timidest pigs as ever he seed ,<sic> and if he had driven them in that there way, he might as well not drive them at all. The pig knew very well it had no business in the shop; if it had been a Hirish pig it would have been quite different, for Scotch pigs a'int like Hirish, no more as is Hirish like Scotch. The Lord Mayor wished to know if Scotch and Irish pigs had national manners? Natural manners,” exclaimed the defendant! “Why, I thought every one knowed the difference!" The first thing a Hirish pig does in a strange place is to smell out the children, and to scrape an acquaintance with them. A scotch pig never does no such thing; ’cause, as they a’int like the Hirish, they never keeps company with their owners. A Hirish pig is just as familiar as a dog.” On the strength of this valuable information, the Lord Mayor let the drover off. (note Hirish = Irish) Diseased Poultry Perhaps it not generally known that the disease that affects chickens, by swelling in the crop and proves fatal by inflammation under the wings and in the legs, may be cured by opening the crop with the point of a pen-knife or needle, and pressing it empty, it being only 'wind' lodged there, that produces the fatal consequences. It has been done when the chicken could not stand, and in 12 hours, it was perfectly recovered Chance Definitions Looks - The first billets doux of love Happiness - A fugitive and chimerical being, which everybody runs after, but no one catches Sensibility - A gift of heaven to multiply the pleasures and pains of life Wisdom - A shield that preserves its possessor from the perils with which his desires surround him Society - A state of constant slavery, in which no one lives for himself, or to himself Absence - The sister of death Love - An ego-tism divided by two Military glory - Smoke on ruins Indifference - Absence of all sentiment, or the feeling of the worthless Music - An universal language, which harmoniously relates the reminiscences of the heart Honor - The soul’s patrimony Beauty - A flower without smell, when no quality of the heart accompanies it Medical Scepticism Many medical men exhibit a stubborn reluctance to admit the relation of cause and effect, between remedy and cure, considering that this vicious scepticism would be mistaken for philosophical caution. Voltaire makes a physician of renown come from Memphis to cure of a wound in his 'left' eye. The physician, however, affirms it to incurable, and predicts the very day on which Zadig is to lose his sight, regretting at the same time, that the accident had not befallen the 'right' eye, for then he could have performed the cure; but that wounds of the left eye were in their nature incurable. But Zadig recovers, and the physician writes a book to prove that he ought never to have lost his sight. Physic and Physicians Orthographical Transmogrification A black-smith lately made out a bill against one of his customers, in which a charge was intended to be made for steeling two mattocks, but the son of Vulcan, who had been more used to wielding a sledge hammer, than studying Dr. Johnson, wrote the following item; "To stealing two mad ducks, two shillings" A beautiful fire-screen is made thus; Draw a landscape on paper, with India ink, representing a winter scene or mere outline; foliage is to be painted with muriate of cobalt for the green, acetate of cobalt for blue, and muriate of copper for yellow, which, when dry, will all be invisible. Put the screen to the fire and the gentle warmth will occasion the trees, flowers &c., to display themselves in their natural colours, and winter changed to spring. When the paper cools, the colours disappear, but the effect can be reproduced at pleasure Degree of Happiness lf you wish to be happy for a day, get well shaved; if for a week, get invited to a wedding; if for a month, buy a good nag; if for half a year, buy a handsome house; if for a year, marry a handsome wife; but, if you would be always gay and cheerful, practise temperance. The Light of the Sun and Moon The direct light of the sun has been estimated to be equal to that of 5,563 wax candles, of moderate size, placed at distance one foot. The light of the moon is about equal to that of one wax candle at the distance of 12 feet. Soldiers and the Penny Postage The introduction of the pennv postage was considered many as conferring a great boon on the public, but it placed soldiers in position that they had to pay fifty per cent, more on the f e, P of their letters than civilians, owing to a charge of one ha fpenny being made the fife-major or the person who debvered them, according to their respective addresses. This charge has now been abolished, a general order having been issued from the War office, and which will shortly be made public at the head-quarters of the various regiments, prohibiting the charge of one halfpenny upon the delivery of soldiers’ letters in future. Altmore Fair We understand that on Saturday, the 15th inst. a new fair was held on the hill commanding a view of Altmore Lodge, the residence of Edward T. LITTON Esq. Our correspondent informs us that, notwithstanding the unfavorable state of the weather, thousands were seen thronging from every part of the surrounding country at an early hour. What added to the interest of the scene was the attendance of the gentry of Tyrone, who seemed highly to enjoy the pastime of the peasantry. Messrs. LITTON, BURGESS. POLE, LOWRY, &c., contributed much to the amusement of the day. They gave prizes for dancing, racing, &c. The novel spectacle of an ass race and a pig race was not the least amusing part of the proceedings. The distribution of the premiums gave general satisfaction. In the afternoon the gentry were entertained a 'dejuene' by Mr. E. T. LITTON. The fair ground on the property Litton, is situated in the centre of a fine country and from the encouragement held out by that gentleman, to his tenantry (we award him the meed of merit not less cordially because he differs from us in politics), it is expected that this fair will be supported with such an attendance as it deserves. The boatmen of the Coast Guard Service in this country continue under the grievous disadvantage of being paid in the Irish currency, to which we believe, no other branch of the civil or military establishments in either country is subject. And what illustrates further the glaring injustice of this is the fact of the Coast Guard officers being themselves paid in the full imperial currency. Franklin “Friend Franklin” said Myers Fisher, a celebrated Quaker lawyer from Philadelphia, one day, " thee knows almost everything; can thee tell how I am to preserve my small beer in the back yard? My neighbours are often tapping it o' nights.” Put a barrel of old Madeira by the side of it,” replied the doctor, let them but get a taste of the Madeira, and I’ll engage they never trouble thy small beer any more.” transcribed by Teena from the Dublin Monitor _______________________________________________ [email protected] UlsterAncestry Mailing List Searchable Archives: https://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ http://lists.cotyrone.com/mailman/listinfo/ulsterancestry Website: https://cotyrone.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/CoTyroneIrelandGenealogy/
