Well, I guess I'm in the wrong line of work, doing social work here at DHS, since you can't change the child if you can't change the parent.
Frustrating as my job can be, and as frustrating as it can be with noisy neighbors, I do see changes happen in the children, parents, and families I work with. Not all the time, but.... Anyway, I'm personally very thankful that we can change, because I would not be very happy living the life of my parents. While I have them in me, I also have lots of other influences in me (including the influence of caring neighbors.) I wish my experience here at DHS gave me some solid advice for Ms Craig, but each situation is too unique to generalize. It doesn't sound like the things that Ms Craig has seen (and heard) are something DHS would consider a threat to the children's safety and well-being, but those are definitely behaviors we see in families where there are more serious abuse and neglect issues. My only advice comes more from me as a person than as a social worker (and please don't quote anything I say as some sort of official DHS position), a! nd! that would be to overlook the problems for a bit; focus on building a positive relationship, rather than fixing a problem relationship, and that will hopefully lead them to self-correct their own behavior. That may sound a bit idealistic (hey, I am a social worker) and it won't be real quick, but it's going to keep a bad situation from getting worse. I am a true believer in catching flies with honey than with that other stuff.
Maybe the mother is overwhelmed and defensive about her children, in which case maybe an occasional offer from a neighbor to bring her kids with theirs to a movie, Penn's Landing, etc would give the mother some relief (and earn you some consideration late at night). Maybe she never had better parenting role models in her life. (Does she get asked if she and her children want to participate in block parties, block cleanups, tree plantings, Town Watch?) Maybe she sees herself as offering a community service in that the kids could be out in the streets doing worse things? Maybe she and/or her kids would make use of local recreation, arts, theater, sports, volunteer, mentoring programs, etc if they only knew about them (and that might give them an incentive to go to bed earlier so they can get there on time in the morning). Could the block sponsor one or more of her kids to play in the soccer league this fall? Maybe if you don't have a daughter! o! f your own, you could bring one of her daughters to work with you on Bring Your Daughter to Work Day? Maybe the kids would like to make some money doing chores in your yard for you? Maybe when you shovel the snow on your sidewalk, you could also shovel the snow on their walkway, and, if they get the hint, they'll do the same for you next time? Make pleasant conversation the next time you find yourself weeding your garden the next time she's hanging out on her steps. Maybe things will improve when school starts up again.
I just hope that in the course of trying to get your problem fixed, you don't assume the best that you're going to get is some cold war stand off. Don't assume that this one problem in the family's relationship with the neighbors means that there can't also be some assets in their relationship with the neighbors.
In the meantime, earplugs, sound machines, asking the landlord to say something discreetly, ....??? Good luck, Ricky
| "John Ellingsworth" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Sent by: [EMAIL PROTECTED] 08/21/01 11:36 AM
|
To: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>, <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> cc: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>, <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> Subject: Re: Inconsiderate & Loud Neighbors |
This is what you'll get:
"Don't tell me how to raise my kids."
Then what?
A similar problem was encountered where I live: the mother did not like
being "told what to do" one bit, and reacted with hostility, and potentially
with violence, if the "one who knew better" did not back off.
I heard that what's in the dog is in the pup.
Or that you can take the kid out of the city, but you can't take the city
out of the kid.
If you can't change the parents, you won't have much success with the kids.
Thanks,
John Ellingsworth
Virtual Curriculum
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----- Original Message -----
From: "Elizabeth F. Campion" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Cc: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Sent: Tuesday, August 21, 2001 11:23 AM
Subject: Re: Inconsiderate & Loud Neighbors
>
> Dear Earlene,
>
> Thank you for bringing up the issues of
>
> noise / nuisance
>
> and
>
> child neglect.
>
> At 46, I do not consider myself "older" - but I was made cranky and
> physically ill by sleep disturbances that were the result of a neighbor
> who put barking dogs in a yard facing my bedroom window at frequent, but
> not always consistent times, as late as after Midnight and as early as 6
> AM. This went on for almost 2 years, until I found the keys (threats?)
> to help him conform to law and apparent courtesy. I never got an
> apology, but... the dogs are now put out after 7 AM and taken in before
> 11 PM most days.
>
> I imagine that hearing children at 1:30 AM could be even worse, because
> it is not just one's own lost sleep that is at stake.
>
> I was a "Single-Working" mother for the three years it took my Larry to
> finish his Ph.D. at Roswell in Buffalo, NY.
> I am still very sensitive to the burden single mothers have.
> I hold mental lists of things I wish I could have done better for myself
> and my kids.
> I am reluctant to "criminalize" maternal behaviors (especially where Dad
> seems to be getting a pass) yet I am certain that every child deserves at
> least some MINIMUM standard of care which includes:
>
> 1. Adequate and appropriate Food.
> Dr. Pepper in a baby bottle is NEVER appropriate.
> 2. Decent Shelter.
> Floors that have been swept, beds and linen that are clean.
> 3. Clean, dry clothing.
> For babies - a diaper and a generic cotton T-shirt are adequate.
> 4. Constant supervision with mature direction and
> 5. Sufficient undisturbed sleep for growth and healing.
>
> I had good parents who set imposing standards for me to follow.
> I have exceeded some of those standards (by virtue of larger income
> divided among fewer family members) and failed miserably at others. My
> "Stay Home Mom" directed 11 kids safely through the teen years and to
> college scholarships. Most of us completed college requirements in 4
> years. A few "dropped out" and went back to college later. And a few
> went on to professional degrees and careers. Even though we were closely
> watched, we were actually more self sufficient than my own kids. All of
> us could get our homework done, succeed at school, cook, clean, roller
> skate, bike swim, play cards, serve guests at a party and do rudimentary
> repairs and gardening before we left the nest. I try to remember how my
> mother did it, and conclude
> I never saw her sleep (until we were grown and she was old and ill) and
> I am awed by her energy and successes.
>
> So, How do we
>
> Help you / ourselves to the peaceful use of our homes, and
>
> Help these children (and their mother) to a proper schedule and basic
> needs?
>
> I know the problems of inadequate sleep and supervision are not limited
> to large families &/or sub-poverty children.
> And, I assume your problem family is not on the PFSNI list.
> So, how do we share the input you gather with people who probably won't
> read, and with whom the barriers of anger, frustration and worry make
> direct communication difficult?
>
> Is everything a DHS or 911 problem?
>
> I tend to jump too quickly to a child's defense.
> Later, I fear the kid suffered reprisal once I was gone.
> I've consoled myself that the parent will at least learn / practice some
> caution, and the kid will recognize his own situation may not be "normal"
> - may even be "bad" and than have the tools of hope and /or curiosity to
> discover better standards and methods. But, I would like to hear some
> sound advice with contact people, agencies and numbers.
>
> I hope the list wires burn as hot for kids and sleep as it did for the
> USPO.
>
> Thanks again Earlene,
>
> All the best!
> Liz
>
> Elizabeth Campion - Neighbor & Real Estate Broker
> E-Mail : [EMAIL PROTECTED]
> Direct & VM: 215-790-5653 / Cell Phone (for emergencies only):
> 215-880-2930
> Mail to : P.O. Box 23632 / Phila, Pa 19143
> PRUDENTIAL, FOX & ROACH - Reception:215-546-0550, Shared Fax:
> 215-546-9781
> Office at 210 W. Rittenhouse Sq., Suite # 406 / Phila, Pa 19103
>
>
>
> On Tue, 21 Aug 2001 09:53:33 -0400 "Craig, Earlene"
> <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> writes:
> > Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with new
> > neighbors
> > who are loud and inconsiderate of older people and neighbors in
> > general. We
> > have new neighbors whose children are out late at night running up
> > and down
> > the street as late/early as 1:30 AM. Many of the neighbors have
> > spoken to
> > the children, some are teenagers around 15 or 16 yrs. old. Some are
> > as
> > young as probably 9 or 10. I went out at 11:30 last night and asked
> > them to
> > be quiet and that it is very disturbing when all you can hear is
> > loud
> > noises, screaming in front of my house. They were quiet until I
> > closed the
> > door and it started over again. The only way I have been successful
> > in
> > drowning out the noise is either turning on the air conditioner in
> > my
> > bedroom or sleeping in the basement.
> >
> > Many of the neighbors, including myself, have talked to the
> > mother of
> > the children, but to no avail. This is the house/porch where most
> > of the
> > other children congregate, by the way many of the children don't
> > live on our
> > block. Some of the time she is not at home, and other times she is
> > in the
> > house when all of this commotion is going on. I have resisted
> > calling the
> > police, that would be my last recourse.
> >
> > I would appreciate any suggestions that you can give. I am in
> > need of
> > sleep, since I get up at 5:30 AM and I have to be at work by 7:00AM.
> > When I
> > go out in the morning it is so quiet and peaceful, yes, my
> > understanding is
> > that they sleep late into the day.
> >
> > P.S. I forgot to tell you, they are renters.
> >
> > Earlene Craig
