Pandemonium ensued amid a near-riot at tonight's performance of the Philadelphia Orchestra in Le Bowl at Ye Olde Clarke Parke.
The trouble began when the Orchestra launched into a rendering of the startlingly modernistic "Rite of Spring" by Igor Stravinsky, a provocative work guaranteed to provoke a reaction from the staunchly Victorian residents of Ye Olde University City Village. From the outset, grumblings, hisses, and stark intakes of breath were heard form members of the Old Ladies Sewing Circle and Gentrification Society, village matriachs, and female real estate brokers. "Well, I DO declare, have you ever heard such a thing?" "I'm shocked -- shocked!" "What is this - some of that hippety-hop that I have heard about?" But while the Old Ladies expressed their revulsion in a genteel manner, things turned ugly as the Volleyball Culture streaked naked across the front of the stage, followed by the Dog Culture, the Drum Circle, the Urban Anarchists, and the Amish Druids. Finally, a naked bearded hippie mounted the stage, grabbed a microphone, and began to narrate his entire psychiatric history. "Dude," remarked Cassidy, "is that Abbie Hoffman?" "Nah," I replied, "Abbie killed himself twenty years ago." After a few tomatoes and eggplants freshly purchased from Ye Olde Farmer's Market hit the stage, and choruses of "Toss the dude some Thorazine!" broke out, a burly and irate bassoonist booted the interloper off the stage. "Dude," remarked Cassidy, "just like Woodstock." "Yeah," I replied, "only without Hendrix and the Airplane." As the orchestra bravely plodded through the "Rite", a giant rat popped out of an uncovered manhole cover and began to tug at the conductor's tails. "Mr. Stokowski! Mr Stokowski!" the rat screeched in a high-pitched inhuman wail. "Dude," remarked Cassidy, "is this Fantasia?" "Don't think so, man. Must be that high-grade hibiscus we were smoking." After the UCD Tasmanian Pig Fever broke a few heads and restored order, the evening ended with patriotic anthems, and a welcome from the Wachovia Lady. Wendell Lewis announced that Coca-Cola was now the Official Soft Drink of the hood, and that bartenders and deli owners when asked for a Pepsi were now officially ordered to respond "No Pepsi -- Coke." -- Ross Bender http://rossbender.org/mqrtoc.html
