Breaking news: Due to the emergency crisis in the town gown public private partnership, good community volunteers took bold action and formed a new crisis oriented community group. The new Friends of Corporate University of Pennsylvania, FOC-UP, held a series of public forums in Clark Park to discuss the current terrifying emergency.
Hard working community volunteers have long known that a few leftist wankers continue to speak of rights, ethics, education, research and other unproductive non-commercial concepts at our beloved corporate University. With one unanimous voice, the community took bold action and said “we will stand no more!” Under the leadership of President Sam Moyer, elected by acclamation of the community, FOC-UP volunteers designed a master plan to solve the crisis and privatize all important operations at the U.; the propaganda, conflict of interest, money and power functions, etc. Additionaly, volunteers in the award winning real estate agent committee, J. Blockhead, Barry Betrayer, and Melani Moron educated attendees about the community’s solution of the crisis, to the overwhelming glee of every community member. At 8 AM yesterday, all money making operations at our beloved University were sold to the Haliburton corporation for streamlining and profit enhancement right sizing. Yes, it was another community victory for deliberative democracy! The University of Pennsylvania will no longer be a den for whores, drug addicts, and gangs who make good consumers feel unsafe whenever they cross 40th St. The community believes that now that the crisis is being efficiently managed by Haliburton, our beloved university will be properly prepared to be flipped to Blackwater International by March 1st, 2009, bringing substantial profit and bonuses to the beloved President of the FOC-UP’s, Sam Moyer. And all of you little people will, of course, be cleaner and safer, cleaner and safer, cleaner and safer. For future announcements from the community, please check the UCD web site each minute. Donations from decent good consumers should be sent to FOC-UP treasurer and dog biscuit committee chairman, Glenn Moyer. And bad scumball citizens better send in their mandatory volunteer dues, trash fines, etc. or else! President Sam Moyer Friends of Corporate University of Pennsylvania, The FOC-UPs PS: Fearless community leader Tony Hotair has volunteered to eliminate all references to ethics and citizenship at the U. while he forms a committee for re-education and propaganda. ---- You are receiving this because you are subscribed to the list named "UnivCity." To unsubscribe or for archive information, see <http://www.purple.com/list.html>.
