Pathetically superficial, but for the record.... Nat ------------------------------------------------------- METRIC DOESN'T COMPUTE IN THE LIVES OF MOST AMERICANS Virginian-Pilot (Norfolk, VA) , Saturday, May 5, 2001 KERRY DOUGHERTY Edition: FINAL , Section: LOCAL , Page: B1 TYPE: COLUMN Vincent Vega: ``You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with cheese in Paris?'' Jules: ``They don't call it a Quarter Pounder with cheese?'' Vincent Vega: ``No man, they got the metric system. They wouldn't know whatthe bleep a Quarter Pounder is.'' Jules: ``Then what do they call it?'' Vincent Vega: ``They call it a `Royale' with cheese.'' - John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson in ``Pulp Fiction'' T hat classic cinematic exchange about themetric system came to mind the other night as I helped my fourth-grader with his homework. ``Here, ask me some questions,'' my son said, shoving his science book at me. He was cramming for Friday's test on weather. ``Ask me how to figure out when a thunderstorm is going to hit,'' he prompted. So I asked. ``You look for the lightning, then you count the seconds,'' he said, with that smug look kids get when they actually know something. ``Then you divide by three and you can tell how many centimeters away the storm is.'' Centimeters? ``Hold on a second,'' I said, flipping through his book. ``If a storm is only centimeters away you don't need to count, you need an umbrella.'' As it turns out, his book teaches the formula for calculating the proximity of a storm in kilometers, not centimeters. My son's confusion, however, was understandable. To Americans, who live in a world of inches, feet and miles, all those millimeters, centimeters and kilometers seem the same: foreign. Curious, I thumbed through my son's entire Discover the Wonder textbook. I found myself filled with wonderment. I wondered why I couldn't find a single reference to the U.S. CustomarySystem anywhere. I wondered why anyone would want to measure the strength of a hurricane in kilometers. I wondered why the hectare Virginia Beach had this metric-only book in its classrooms. I phoned the school administration for an answer. They claimed that children are taught the metric system so they can pass the SOLs. I called the state department of education and they said that children needn't know specific metric measurements to pass elementary school SOLs, but they must be familiar with metricity. ``The metric system is the international language of science,'' proclaimed Jim Firebaugh, Virginia's middle school science coordinator. When I pointed out that the Old Dominion's road signs are inmiles not kilometers, he quipped: ``Maybe the signs should be changed.'' To be fair, Beach school officials said students are also taught the U.S. system ofmeasurement. Just not in this book. Before the pro-metric types leap onto their 11-centimeter-high soapboxes to call me a Luddite, let's remember that it was a metric mistake two years ago that cost American taxpayers $125 million. Thatwas the time the Mars orbiter missed its mark by 25 km (15 miles) and vanished.The spaceship could now be orbiting the sun for all NASA knows. Nevertheless, we soldier on, stubbornly teaching our children a system of weights and measures with little application in American life. I suspect that the real appeal of the metric system is related to the egos of scientists. Not only do they appear taller using metric measures, they feel sportier. When vacationing abroad, they zip down the roads with their lab coats flapping in the breeze as their rentedRenaults hit speeds of 100 kph (that would be about 60 mph to you and me). Wheeee! On the morning of the science test I drove my son to school. As I pulled away I noticed the usual flashing lights cautioning against speeding in a school zone. Thankfully, the yellow sign read ``25 mph'' not 40 kph. If we followed Firebaugh's advice and changed our signs I might flatten a gaggle of backpack-laden kids before I could compute the actual speed limit. The next thingyou'd know I'd be trying to convert 20-years-to-life to metric. Reach Kerry at 422-0829 or at kerry.dougherty(AT)att.net 2001, Landmark Communications, Inc. (Norfolk) The Ledger-Star/The Virginian-Pilot.
