After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form that they call called a gripe sheet. This conveys to the mechanics any problems with the aircraft encountered during the flight that need repair or correction.
The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form saying what remedial action was taken. The next pilot to fly that particular aircraft reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Here are some logged maintenance complaints and problems (P) as submitted by Qantas pilots, together with the solution (S) recorded by maintenance engineers. P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. (Distance Measuring Equipment) S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're there for. P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget. Never let it be said that engineers, and ground crews, lack a sense of humour! By the way, the Australian airline, Qantas, is the only major airline that has never had an accident � they must be doing something right. Cheers, Pat Naughtin Geelong, Australia --
