METNOW steps up challenge, and fails
Despite last minute demands by METNOW, the
paramilitary wing of the UKMA, the BBC and other organisers went on with their
"Extra Mile" extravaganza on Saturday 10th July.
A BBC insider said "Although we took these
threats seriously we could not let the event be stopped by a handful of
sexually inadequate bearded old men that had a grudge against the words "yard"
and "mile" ".
In the previous week Lord Geoffrey Howe had
threatened to bore everyone to sleep in what he deemed was direct action
against organisers of the event. He was going to address members of the press
and media and talk about how much better metric is, in his characteristic
muffled and monotonous moan-voice. Fearing coma the members of the press and
media offered to read one of their press releases instead.
Once they'd finished laughing they decided not
to mention it in any newspapers or media outlets but instead mentioned the
heart warming story of a boy in Wrexham who swallowed a fish and then had it
rescued via regurgitation.
Although all events at the weekend passed
successfully, one, in Sunderland, attracted a large contingent of
anti-imperial METNOW sympathisers who constructed their own "run the extra
kilometre" right next to the planned "mile" run.
The red faced militants
were left cringing when they had to finish their race a few hundred yards
short of the "finish" line that accompanied the "mile" runners. Embarrassed
the four men could only shout insults from "their" finish line at the hundreds
who had made it to the waiting press and TV at the mile "finish" line. The
protestors made no effort to go to the awaiting TV crews for fear of actually
going a mile. In the frustration one was arrested after exposing his penis and
bashing it with a mallet.
Meanwhile, members of the UKMA's "booing"
department attempted to gain access to BBC Television centre in order to "boo"
over mentions of two celebrity boxers height and weight announcements. They
waved placards claiming that even The palace of Westminster and Big Ben were
all really metric.
In a new twist, activists with loud hailers
from the UKMA were despatched to sit under signposts that read "nnn yards" (eg
"Footpath 200yds") and shout "no it isn't" very loudly each time a road user
passed by, in an attempt to discredit the use of yards as (quote) "really
inaccurate and not as good as metres".
Although authorities claim that these
particular activists are just "harmful nutters" there is concern about some
members of METNOW who have been spotted giving chocolate bars to small
children in parks after asking for their height and telling them to answer in
metres or centimetres. Although the intent is not to abuse experts say that
the ensuing snatching back of the chocolates when they answer in feet and
inches can be upsetting to most children. And also having a grown up bearded
stranger offering chocolates while smelling of wee.
ENDS
