I was listening to Garrison Keelor the other night and he
seemed to be a bit short on his understanding of the decimal
system and I realised that Americans needed further
advice.
A couple of examples he gave were 1000 microphones equal 1
megaphone and 10 cards makes a decacards (say it aloud).
I realised we had lots more mysteries that would need
explaining for the visitors we receive from abroad.
UK residents' quiz.
If you finished your education in the last 20 years you
will probably proclaim that you think in metric.
Answer
these questions without converting anything to anything
else:
How tall are you?
What do you weigh?
How far do
you live from your grandparents/London/John O'Groats?
Metric measurements
continued
Petrol is sold by the litre but fortunately you can still
buy cars that do miles per gallon.
If you don't know what petrol is you can buy gas by the
gasometer. It is advisable to extinguish all naked flames as
you drive in. Also hold your breath.
Unlike America where you buy milk by the shake we tend to
have ours by the pint (about 25% bigger than yours by the way)
which appears in glass bottles on our doorsteps by magic.
But if you buy it in a supermarket you have to buy it by
the litre, which makes it cheaper. There's about one and three
quarter UK pints to the litre but as it is less than half the
price you're better off not relying on the doorstep magic
unless you are rich or want to support local businesses.
Then there's the metric mile. This is a track event where
runners run 1500 meters just to confuse motorists who now have
to work out how many 1500 meters to a gallon for fuel
consumption.
To help with this calculation car manufacturers have put
tenths of a mile on the odometer (that thing on the dashboard
with numbers going round like the hit counter on a web site).
So now you only have to work out how many 176 yards there are
in a 1500 meter race and divide this into the number of
gallons you've used since you put 71 litres in at the last
service station... and divide by 10. Simple.
As for weighing, nothing could be simpler. In Holland they
still weigh babies by the pound. (One Dutch friend told me,
"It's because you weigh fruit and fish in kilos, not babies!")
The problem is their pound is 500 grams. An English pound is a
much easier to remember 454 grams.
Now, in England we buy small quantities of boiled ham or
roast turkey or whatever from a delicatessen, by the quarter
pound or "quarter". Yes, I know, in the good old pre-metric
system days a quarter was 2 stones, or 28lbs (pounds) or
quarter of a hundredweight (cwt)(112lbs) twenty of which made
a ton 2240lbs.
Aside Apparently a metric tonne is 2204 lbs - how
spooky!
But walking out of a delicatessen with 28 lbs of cooked
meat was unlikely to happen so they knew that you were
referring to an amount smaller than that when you pressed your
sweaty finger into the pink pile of sliced meat and said, "A
quarter of this, if it's fresh".
So now when people say "A quarter of ham, please," the
assistant knows they want 113 and a half grams. NBIf
they offer 100 grams as an equivlent turn it down instantly
and say "I'm sorry I don't eat metric, I'm allergic."
If you're not sure how to order things in metric, order by
the slice. They haven't decimalised the slice yet. "Four
slices of that roast crocodile meat, my good man, and make it
snappy!"
Do you know how many traffic wardens to a meter? Now
there's an idea for a guide
entry.
