I might have posted this a year or 2 ago, but newer members might not
have seen it:
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> >>Mechanic's Tool Guide
> >>-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
> >>
> >>HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is
> >>used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from
> >>the object we are trying to hit.
> >>
> >>MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of
> >>cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly
> >>well on boxes containing seats and motorcycle jackets.
> >>
> >>ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in
> >>their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for
> >>drilling mounting holes in fenders just above the brake line that goes
> >>to the rear wheel.
> >>
> >>PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.
> >>
> >>HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
> >>principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
> >>motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
> >>dismal your future becomes.
> >>
> >>VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is
> >>available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to
> >>the palm of your hand.
> >>
> >>OXYACETELENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various
> >>flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting
> >>the grease inside a brake drum you're trying to get the bearing race
> >>out of.
> >>
> >>WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and
> >>motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or
> >>1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.
> >>
> >>DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
> >>metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest
> >>and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that
> >>freshly painted part you were drying.
> >>
> >>WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them
> >>somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also
> >>removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in
> >>about the time it takes you to say, "Ouc...."
> >>
> >>HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a motorcycle to the ground
> >>after you have installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping the
> >>jack handle firmly under the front fender.
> >>
> >>EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a motorcycle
> >>upward off a hydraulic jack.
> >>
> >>TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.
> >>
> >>PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another
> >>hydraulic floor jack.
> >>
> >>SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for
> >>spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.
> >>
> >>E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes
> >>and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.
> >>
> >>TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease
> >>buildup.
> >>
> >>TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile
> >>strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to
> >>disconnect.
> >>
> >>CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool
> >>that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the
> >>end without the handle.
> >>
> >>BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric
> >>acid from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after
> >>determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you
> >>thought.
> >>
> >>AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.
> >>
> >>TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a
> >>drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin,"
> >>which is not otherwise found under motorcycles at night. Health
> >>benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at
> >>about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during,
> >>say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark
> >>than light, its name is somewhat misleading.
> >>
> >>PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style
> >>paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used,
> >>as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.
> >>
> >>AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a
> >>coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into
> >>compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact
> >>wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 60 years ago by someone
> >>in Springfield, and rounds them off.
> >>
> >>PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
> >>bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
> >>
> >>HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.
> >>
> >>
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
<<Jim>>
--
<<http://www.oldengine.org/members/jdunmyer>>
<<[EMAIL PROTECTED]>>
<<lower SE Michigan, USA>>
<<mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]>>
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