The last one is really funny!! Thanks ... kiran. --- On Wed, 1/28/09, Jaya Satish <[email protected]> wrote:
From: Jaya Satish <[email protected]> Subject: Fw: THE FUNNIES ON LIFE To: "Jaya Satish" <[email protected]> Date: Wednesday, January 28, 2009, 11:32 AM > THE FUNNIES ON LIFE > > > > > > My husband and I > divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, > and I didn't. > > ********** > > > Marriage is a > threering circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and > suffering. > > > ********** > > > For Sale: Wedding > dress, size 8. Worn once by mistake. > > > ********** > > > > There are two > times when a man doesn't understand a woman: Before > marriage and after marriage. > > > ********** > > > Why were > hurricanes usually named after women? Because when they > arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they go, they > take your house and car > > > ********** > > An old man goes to > the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been > living with for the last 40 years. > > > The Wizard says, > "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words > that were used to put the curse on you." The old man > says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and > wife." > > > ********** > > I was in the > express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely > ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into > the checkout line pushing a cart piled high with > groceries. > > > Imagine my delight > when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked > into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items > would you like to buy?" Wouldn't it be great if > that happened more often? > > ********** > > Because they had > no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor > and his wife were told there would be a 45minute wait for a > table. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," > the husband said. "We may not have 45 minutes." > They were seated immediately. > > ********** > > > All eyes were on > the radiant bride as her father escorted her down he aisle. > They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride > kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The > guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. > Even the priest smiled broadly. > > > As her father gave > her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit > card. > > ********** > > Women and cats > will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and > get used to the idea. > > ********** > > Three friends from > the local congregation were asked, "When you're in > your casket, and friends and congregation members are > mourning over you, what would you like them to > say?" > > > Artie said: > "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a > fine spiritual leader, and a great family man." Eugene > commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful > teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in > people's lives." Al said: "I'd like them > to say, "Look, he's > moving!" > > ********** > > Smith climbs to > the top of Mt.Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. > Looking up, he asks the Lord... "God, what does a > million years mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A > minute." > > Smith asks, > "And what does a million dollars mean to you?" The > Lord replies, "A penny." > > Smith asks, > "Can I have a penny?" The Lord replies, "In a > minute." > > ********** > > A man goes to a > shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. > Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. > In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going > crazy What do you think I should > do?" > > > "Relax," > says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. > Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's > bar?" > > ********* > > John was on his > deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last > request, dear," he said. "Of course, John," > his wife said softly. "Six months after I die," he > said, "I want you to marry Bob." "But I > thought you hated Bob," she said. With his last breath > John said, "I do!" > > ********** > > A man goes to see > the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and > I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, > "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife > is poisoning me." > > The Rabbi, very > surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The > man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain > she's poisoning me, what should I > do?" > > The Rabbi then > offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll > see what I can find out and I'll let you > know." > > A week later the > Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your > wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want > my advice?" The man said yes and the Rabbi! replied, > "Take the poison." > > ********** --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "VaniV88-89" group. 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