> The 1st Affair:
>
> A married man was having an affair with his
> secretary.
> One day they went her place and made love all afternoon.
> Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
>
> The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his
> shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
> He put on his shoes and drove home.
>
> "Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
> "I can't lie to you," he replied,
> "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex
> all afternoon."
>
> "You lying bastard!
> You've been playing golf!"
>
> The 2nd Affair:
>
>
> A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always
> talked about having a son.
> They decided to try one last time for the son they always
> wanted.
>
> The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
> The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
>
>
> He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
> He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the
> father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I
> fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
>
>
> The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this
> time!"
>
> The 3th Affair:
>
> A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her
> husband opening the front door.
> "Hurry," she said, "stand in the
> corner."
>
> She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with
> talcum powder.
> "Don't move until I tell
> you," she said. "Pretend you're a
> statue."
>
> "What's this?" the husband inquired as he
> entered the room.
> "Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The
> Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for
> us, too."
>
> No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
> Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and
> returned with a sandwich and a beer.
>
> "Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I
> stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody
> offered me a damned thing."
>
> The 4th Affair:
>
> A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a
> beer.
> "Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."
>
> "One Cent?" the man thought.
> He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice
> juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
>
> "A nickel," the barman replied.
> "A nickel?" exclaimed
> the man. "Where's the guy who owns this
> place?"
>
> The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
>
> The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your
> wife?"
>
> The bartender replied,
> "The same thing I'm doing to his business down
> here."
>
> The 5th Affair:
>
> Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
> He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must
> confess."
>
> "There's no need to," his wife replied.
> "No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace.
> I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend,
> and your mother!"
>
> "I know, I know," she replied. "Now just
> rest and let the poison work."
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