Enjoy!
------------
Yup.... another one from the famous unpublished humor book gathering dust in the corner:
Bubble Bubble by Gene Trump (c)
A very disturbing episode occurred recently in Salem, Massachusetts. It seems a small mob of local citizens had cornered a fly tier in his basement and were threatening him with chants of "burn the witch, burn the witch". He managed to fend them off with a bodkin in one hand and a battery-powered hook sharpener in the other. To say the least, he was concerned and confused over the actions of his neighbors. He was just about to put a drop of head cement on a Quill Gordon when the attack was launched. He felt lucky to escape with his life -- not to mention the Quill Gordon.
Actually, it is surprising this sort of event doesn't happen more often then it does. Sit down at your tying area and take a look around. What do you see? A rooster cape? (Nice name for chicken feathers). A few bucktails? (Chopped off some poor deer -- alive or dead, no one knows for sure.) Hare's mask? (A bunny's face for crying out loud!) And what about all those strange looking tools? More fur and hair. Another box of feathers. Wire, thread and chemicals. More parts of dead animals. Doesn't all this seem like the spooky stuff you'd find on the work bench of an alchemist?
Let's consider what we're doing here. We're using animal parts, thread, wool, chenille, plastic, steel, lead and glue to conjure up small, sharp bogus insects. And with this bogus bug, we plan to entice the attack of a fish. And the fish, of course, are intent on devouring the said bogus bug while the fisherman are sometimes intent on devouring the fish. Geez, this whole grizzly procedure does seem a bit grey on the color chart of dark arts.
I'm not saying that fly tiers are dabbling in the occult -- well, most aren't anyway -- but we all are familiar with some pretty strange recipes for flies. For example: "Use the urine stained underbelly guard hair from a vixen fox." or "two eyelashes from a five year old barn owl". Seriously, how far is all of this from "stir in eye of newt"?
Pish-posh you say, rubbish you say. Well maybe so and maybe not. What if someday you sit down at your vise and accidently spill head cement on the pheasant feather that happens to be stuck together by Polybond to the purple chenille, yellow yarn, red mink, white polar bear, green-colored African goat and the eyelashes from a five year old barn owl -- and after a puff of smoke, find yourself face to face with a seriously irritable demon that is not overly happy to find itself perched on your vise. Then what are you going to do? Grab two bobbins and make an impromptu cross?
There is no known way to tie flies and be assured that a conjuring accident won't occur. Your best bet to stock up on assorted talismans and good luck charms. You should also be on a constant lookout for puffs of purple smoke or black ravens that fly in and preen themselves while standing on your head. But most of all, beware your neighbors! Especially if they are piling firewood around a stake in your front yard.
