I'm sure all of you have heard of Jeff Foxworthy and his "You Might be
a Redneck If". Well, in lieu of the daily quote for a few days, I'm
going to share some "Foxworthyisms" with you. There might even be a
fishing redneck thing in them. NOW, if you think it's beneath your
dignity or demeans the VFB, FFW and HCFF Fishing Email lists, you can
just hit the delete button :-P However, I think that even the most
stodgy of us will get a chuckle from some of these. You might even
recognize yourself in some of them, like Del Roberts did. Yeah, I did
too! I've been sharing these for about a week with the Joke Club, so
if you guys don't mind reading them again, here we go !!!! After all,
you joke club members are the ones who wanted me to share them with the
LISTS. Gotta do something to liven things up for us'ns who for one
reason or other can's go fishing, whilst the rest of you DO! Oh yeah,
ya'll can thank our friend from across the pond - Iain Short for these!
JIMMY D
You Might Be a Redneck If . . . . .
1. You ever cut your grass and found a car.
2. You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
3. You think the stock market has a fence around it.
4. Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
5. You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.
6. Your boat has not left the drive-way in 5 years.
7. You own a homemade fur coat.
8. Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.
9. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
10. Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a
bath."
11. You refer to the time you won a free case of motor oil as "the day my
ship came in."
12. You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
13. The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
14. You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
15. Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the
Governor to spare a loved one.
16. Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave the bingo hall because of
her language.
17. Someone asks, "Where's your bowling bag?" and you answer, "She's at home
with the kids."
18. Birds are attracted to your beard.
19. Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
20. You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.
21. You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
22. You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.
23. Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".
24. You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
25. You've ever given rat traps as gifts.
