[VFB] Redneck at church - (they all like to fish to make this work)

[Michael Bliss]

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... the finance committee 
refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of 
the members knows how to play one.


         You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... people ask, when 
they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or 
catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.



         You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... when the pastor 
says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering,"...then five guys 
and two women stand up.



         You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... opening day of 
deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.



         You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... a member of the 
church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't 
never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." (Love it!)



         You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... the choir is known 
as          the "OK Chorale."



         You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... in a congregation 
of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.



         You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... high notes on the 
organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.



         You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... people think 
"rapture" is what you get when you lift something that's too heavy.



         You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... the choir robes 
were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.



         You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... the collection 
plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.



         You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... instead of a bell, 
you are called to service by a duck call.



         You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... the minister and 
his wife drive matching pickup trucks.



         You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... the communion wine 
is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".



         You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... the final words of 
the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya Hear?"