ROFLMAO... Now that is "DAM" funny LOL, Chuck ----- Original Message ----- From: "Desert Eagle" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> To: <[email protected]> Sent: Tuesday, June 28, 2005 3:11 PM Subject: [VFB] Lighten Up..........A little humor!
> This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the > Department > of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This guy's response is > hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response > letter. > _______________________________________________________________________ > SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W,Sec. 20; Montcalm County. > > Dear Mr. DeVries: > > It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality > that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced > parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or > contractor who did the following unauthorized activity: > > Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet > stream of Spring Pond. > > A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A > review of the department's files shows that no permits have been issued. > Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in > violation > of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and > Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being > sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated. > > The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially > failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at > downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently > hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to > cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the > stream > to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams > from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no > later > than January 31, 2003. > > Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that > a > follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to > comply > with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may > result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. We > anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. > Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions. > > Sincerely, > > David L. Price, District Representative > Land and Water Management Division > > ______________________________________________________________________ > > ** Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries ** > > Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec.20; Montcalm County. > > Dear Mr. Price, > > Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to. > I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, > Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the process of constructing and > maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring > Pond. > > While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I > think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of > nature's building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your > department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any > place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could > ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam > ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their > dam > work ethic. > > As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must > first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam > activity. My dam question to you is: > (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or > (2) Do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said > dam permits? If you are not discriminating against these particular > beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed > copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been > issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part > 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental > Protection Act, Act 451 Of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections > 324.30101 to324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated. > > I have several concerns. My first concern is; aren't the beavers entitled > to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially > destitute > and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have > to > provide them with a dam lawyer > > The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed > during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a > natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other > words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than > harassing > them and calling them dam names. > > If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition, please > contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they > obviously > did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read > English. In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to > build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is > green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to > live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and > Environmental Protection lives up to it's name, it should protect the > natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams). > > So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be > referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until > 1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and > there > will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then. > > In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real > environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears! > Bears > are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be > persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are > going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! The bears are not > careful where they dump! > > Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact > you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam > office. > > > THANK YOU > RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS > > > > -- > No virus found in this outgoing message. > Checked by AVG Anti-Virus. > Version: 7.0.323 / Virus Database: 267.8.5/32 - Release Date: 6/27/05 >
