Posted by Eugene Volokh:
<a href="http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4106";>Breaking News from
<i>The Onion</i></a> --
"Latest Bin Laden Videotape Wishes America 'A Crappy Valentine's
Day'":
Bin Laden called for "romantic humiliation for all Americans of
courting and betrothal age."
"Allah willing, embarrassment and tearful rejection shall rule this
day," bin Laden said. "Paper hearts shall be rent and trod upon,
and dreams of love delivered stillborn. Body language shall be
misinterpreted, crushes unrequited, and sincere expressions of
affection mocked. Invitations to dinner will be rejected, just as
Americans have rejected Allah, the one true God." . . .
Bin Laden added: "May your special Valentine's Day dinner be spent
at an overrated restaurant that impoverishes your purse and leaves
your stomach churning with indigestible Western cuisine."
Bin Laden did not overlook the innocuous custom of giving stuffed
animals as gifts.
"The teddy bear that holds the 'I love you' heart does not love you
at all," Bin Laden said. "It is an unliving, unholy thing filled
only with stuffing. Just as the Western infidel is not bestowed
with the blessings of Allah, so shall he go unloved by the false
bear." . . .
[1]Read the whole thing, as they say.
References
1. http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4106
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