Well the first and most-hugest decision for Obama will be ... ta da...
officially finding and designating the "First Dog" ...
The following is (very loosely) paraphrased from a New Scientist piece (since
when did they evolve a funny bone, so to speak?)
As the B-team starts receiving briefings from the CIA ahead of the
inauguration, there are some big decisions to make; and even more solemn
promises to dodge. Forget the Eye-rack troops, and forget suggesting that the
IRS zoom in on the tax-returns of Rush Bimbo, Imus, Faux News and the other
spigot-bigots. Revenge is a delicacy best served cold, as they say. Check with
the real experts- you daughters.
What breed should it be? Malia age 10, wants a "Goldendoodle",
a hybrid Golden Retriever and Poodle. Goldendoodles are hypoallergenic,
apparently, so are popular among allergy sufferers such as Malia. Yup - Willie
the First Cat will be an ongoing problem for her, as he has been snoozing under
every bed and in every closet in the House; and poor W will never be able to
find him when Dick sez its time to leave.
However, dogs are far more trustworthy than cats and there will be a vacancy
there. According to an American Kennel Club (AKC) survey, their members (none
of whom voted for Obama) said they would prefer that the new occupants of that
House choose a purebred poodle. Puuulllleeeze. What have those elitists been
tokin'? cat truffles?
Instead, a noted expert with both high and low-brow opinions on every subject,
no matter how bizarre they may appear to the Mainstream, suggests that this is
terrible advice. Get a "pound hound" mista' Prez and you will be much happier
in the long run.
Why do we care? Well, purebred dogs are notorious for suffering from genetic
diseases, stupidity, and other peculiarities that become contagious in the
Beltway. This is due mostly to the greed of breeders. When chocolate Labs were
the in-thing among yuppies and assorted hockey moms, breeders bred them for
color alone, which is about the worst possible thing a dog breeder can do; and
consequently the public got a whole generation of substandard Labs. The only
thing more ridiculous these days, and just as inbred, is a hot fusion Lab.
BTW "hybrid vigor" is a subject that rings rather close to new
first-family-tree.
Incidentally, the two current First Dogs (Barney and Miss Beazley) are Scotties
(Scottish Terriers for the pet-challenged), and have their own government
website, as well they should. These are pretty cool dogs - and probably the
only good decision made by W in 8 full years, except maybe for the first cat
(Willie) the pedigree of whom was not available at the time of writing. This
cat is so neurotic and quirky that it raises that feline set of desirable
traits to a new level of perfection. The only thing for certain about Willie is
that he definitely does not want to go back to Crawford, despite the
over-abundance of large rats there.
Hey, Bro-bama just let me know if you need some help down at the pound. I've
got a good-eye for finding the best castaway in the house.
Signed,
Harry Tuttle
Managing Director, the R.U. Sirius puppy school and cold-fusion lab
