Hi all,
Interesting discussion, particularly where it comes to
deal with engine sizes, etc.
My occupation is that of an auto mechanic. It is only
by night that I become the "mad scientist". ;)
I work primarily on european manufactured cars. They
are fuel efficient, have all the high technology
luxuries, can be located by satellite if you get
broken down on the side of the road, they have
intelligent ECU's (the computer) inside them to
control emissions levels, fuel consumption, and can
learn to 'adapt' to the driver. So, what car would I
choose to drive, personally, if I could? BMW 740i?
Mercedes-Benz CLK? How about a Volkswagen GTI 1.8L
turbocharged?
None of the above. I would like my 86 Chevrolet Monte
Carlo back. It cannot be driven, because of the insane
laws in New York state. The engine in it is not the
original one, so it does not pass inspection. Even
though the smog-sniffer says it is kosher (see below).
What did I like about it?
1. Big, heavy car. Made of steel. Full frame. I get
into a wreck with a Saturn, I'll probably be ok. The
guy in the mostly styrene-plastic Saturn will be in
trouble. I have seen this happen before many times,
small plastic, superlight car hits an old American
made full-frame car. Guess which was the least
damaged?
2. No anti-lock brakes. Can't drive in the snow
without ABS? Turn in your liscense now, you have no
business driving. I live in Buffalo NY, the weather is
terrible. I prefer non-ABS brakes, because I can
control them better. "ABS" in mechanic's jargon is
usually taken to mean "another bullshit system" as
opposed to "antilock braking system" :)
3. 8-cylinder small block. Cheap as dirt, reliable as
hell, easy to maintain. The 'little guy' like me can
afford to fix it himself. Originally the car had a
4.3L V6, fuel injected. I got rid of that, the
computer went berzerk, screwed the timing up, etc. Got
a 5.0L V8 for next to nothing, rebuilt it, put all
Edelbrock parts on it, including carburetor (sorry,
fuel injection need not apply here). After some
careful tuning, without the emissions control systems,
it produced exhaust gases which were only barely above
the legal limits. Add two high-flow catalytic
converters to the dual exhaust, and it would pass with
flying colors. No EGR, PCV, AIR, ECU, bleah. No damned
computer. It got close to 18mpg with proper timing
setup and jetting for the carburetor, and at little or
no loss of power. Put it to the floor, and the back
tires would spin and smoke.
4. Can out-accelerate most modern passenger and
'compact' cars. This saved my life a few times when
idiots attempted to run stop signs, etc. I hit passing
gear and was gone before the trouble had a chance to
happen. Sorry kids, putting a cold air intake and a
resonator muffler on a Honda or Mitsubishi does NOT
make it faster. ;)
5. Rear wheel drive. Personal preference, I like how
it feels. And a turbo hydramatic 350 transmission (NOT
metric, all SAE) will last a long long time. Front
wheel drive transmissions (particularly the 4T60-E)
are dreadfully short lived. You also cannot drop a
front-wheel transmission by yourself. You can drop a
rear wheel transmission alone, I did it and I am not a
big or strong guy. You can also have the TH350 rebuilt
for about $300. 4T60-E, like was in my old Buick?
About $1000-$1500 to rebuild. And the TH350 is vacuum
modulated (adjustable modulator!!!) with no electronic
garbage in it.
6. Ball joint for my old Chevy: $20. Ball joint for
Mercedes-Benz CLK: $300. I am not kidding, this was
the price for the part alone. Guy needed all four on
this thing, so he was very screwed. Then add labor...
7. You cannot work on newer/euro cars yourself. If you
are poor, you are SOL. I did mine all by myself.
Simple, easy. And a very attractive body style of a
car that does not look like the melted-plastic/organic
bug look of all modern cars.
8. I have not done this personally, but one older
gentleman I know pointed this out: newer cars are just
too small to have sex in. Your mileage may vary, of
course.
Closing remarks: What is with this "change oil soon"
light? Too dumb to remember to change your oil? Maybe
you should consider public transportation. Brake
wear-sensors? Get a flashlight and look at your brake
pads...this is not rocket science. On-board
navigation? Kids, use a map. Or ask directions. And as
for those people who try to make
Hondas/Mitsubishis/Nissans/etc. into performance
cars...why try? Its like trying to make a gourmet
corn-dog. As far as using a lot of gasoline
goes...well, hyrids are no answer. They are
underpowered, impossible to work on, and the average
guy cannot hope to afford one. Or, if he is a little
better off financially, he can live his life paying
for the ugly plastic contraption.
Of course, if I couldn't have my Monte Carlo back, I'd
gladly take an old GTO or 'Cuda in its place.
Happy motoring, and if you are in the cold like me,
try to stay warm.
--Kyle
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