Dear Albert and Other Friends in Mayberry,
It is indeed with sadness that I learn of the heartbreak of Christmas Past and
shopping in the Dime Store.
Let's not let that happen again, Sir.
As you know, our motto at the Dime Store is, "If we don't have it, you don't
need it." Now, of course, that
has to be taken with a grain of salt, but you get the general idea. We have
cheap stuff, cheaply sold, and service with a grin. Lydia has a problem with
that last part, but she's working on it.
We have all kinds of things that would make for lovely Christmas presents for a
guy or girl on a tight budget.
We have imitation perfume, like Ernest T. Bass' favorite "Midnight in Paris."
No, it don't smell just like it's
suppose to, but if you have the same kind of nose Opie has and cannot tell the
difference between a busted
bottle of colored water from expensive perfume, it'll get you by.
Also, we have facial tools. You know, those handy little devices to help out
with pesky unwanted facial
hair in men and women of a certain age. And at the Dime Store, we are
discreet. Those items are wrapped
in a brown paper bag, at no extra charge.
We have salt 'n pepper shakers in a variety of decorative shapes
and sizes to accommodate any housewife's taste and decorum.
Wigs, heavens, we have all kinds of wigs. (Where did you think Mr. Schwamp got
his? Weavers? No, much
too expensive. We saved him a bunch of money and you can barely tell the
difference.)
So, if you want something really nice, go to Weavers or maybe the drugstore.
But if you budget is tight and
your heart is big, come on down to the Dime Store. That's what we are here
for. We'll pick out something
for you and, with any luck at all, you two will still be together to ring in
the New Year!
Laura Lee Hobbs, Dime Store Clerk and Gold Truck Watcher and Christmas Present
Picker Outer Extraordinaire
P.S. For the next two weeks, Ramona will be wrapping gifts for no extra
charge. She's on vacation from
her regular job as button inspector at the factory in Mt. Pilot.
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