---------- BARNEY: You know, a few years back a similar thing happened to me. ANDY: Yeah? BARN: Maybe I never told you about it. The girls name was Halcyon Loretta Winslow. ANDY: Pretty name. BARN: Ugliest girl you ever saw in your life. What happened was her father got it in his head that I should marry Halcyon. You know, he saw my picture in the paper. You remember when I won that church raffle--four free haircuts? ANDY: Oh, yeah. Picture's all over the front page. BARN: You know how that affects people. The go crazy. Right away, he saw civil servant, security. Right? Then he saw unmarried, and at the time I was only three-oh. ANDY: Thirty. BARN: Right. He saw in me an untapped source of lifetime happiness for his ugly daughter. So, needless to say they got my phone number from the barber and the rest is history ANDY: I don't believe I ever heard of it. BARN: You didn't? Well I'll tell ya', it's like a tale outta two cities. First, I only saw the old man for about a week. He made me a tempting offer: third interest in a prune-pitting operation. ANDY: There's a lot of money in that. BARN: Well, you gotta like it. Full use of the company car, an interest in the family home, and a beautiful hillside plot in the Mt. Pilot cemetery. ANDY: That burial plot alone is worth a fortune. BARN: You know me. When opportunity knocks, ol' Barn's got to at least take a peek and see if there's anybody on the stoop. Anyway, the old man made a date for all of us to meet down at Klein's Coffeehouse for American cheese and garni. ANDY: Yeah. You finally met her, huh? BARN: Oh boy. ANDY: Not to pretty? BARN: Beasto maristo. I'll tell ya', that cheese sandwich stuck right there for about three days. ANDY: How'd you finally get off the hook? BARN: Well, first of all, I paid for my own cheese sandwich. ANDY: Wipe out any obligations. BARN: Right. Then I took the old man to one side and I told him straight out, N-O, a flat no dice.......But he kept after me, letters phone calls, driving that company car by all shiny and new. But I held my ground. Pretty soon he got the idea, and that was the end of it. ANDY: Whatever happened to Halcyon? BARN: Well, you know she went east to one of them schools where they trim you down, clear your skin, make you walk around with a book on your head. ANDY: Don't tell me she turned out to be beautiful? BARN: No. She's still ugly, single, and pitting prunes. ----------
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