Well, it would help if I added the quotes, right?
My favorites....
“Next time I go tiger huntin', I'm gonna take my tweezers.”
“And here, a whole town is standing still, cause two old women’s feet fall
asleep.”
“I wonder what causes that?”
“I got a hobby…….drinking!”
“Where did you giiiit the liquor?”
If I’d aseen you acoming I’d aknowd what I'd do, I'd a -rizzed both arms and
I'd awoved at you."
“The cage sure looks awful empty, don’t it Pa?”
“It sure does, son. But don’t the trees seem nice and full?”
"Boy, you fall down a well and you're wet!"
"Those who chart the course of world events, shall forever remain nameless.”
"You civilians just don't know how to think on your feet."
"Man gets his best suit spotted and pressed, spends two hours polishing his
hat, and for what? Heartaches!"
“Its definitely no fun when that iron door clangs shut on ya.”
"I'm not standing in no stag line with Old Mister Perkins and a bunch of
slumped-over teenaged boys!"
“Take a shot at him, sheriff. You got a legal right.”
"Better known as big Maude Tyler, Clarisse Tyler, Maude Clarisse Tyler,
Annabelle Tyler, and Ralph
Henderson."
“How can a person pay his debt to society with all this yapping going on?”
“I don’t know where you younguns get your new fangled ideas.”
“Well, then, can I tell you about the bugs?”
“ And quit rubbing Opie’s head.”
"Winkum, bynkum, nodamus rex. Protect us all from the man with the hex."
"Got time to breathe, got time for music."
“He’d kill ya.”
"Don't that just clutch ya?"
“He’s a pestilence, and a pestilence will find you. You just wait.”
“Stop that boy, you want your face to freeze that a-way?”
“I can’t take four dogs home. My wife just barely lets me in the house.”
"Well, Bucket Mouth, do you know anybody that wants to buy a cannon?"
“I can take some manners and I can take some cleaning up, and I can take a
bossy mouth, but I ain’t about to be beat to death with no spoon.”
“Most every book on child rearin' is in favor of bud nippin'!”
“You go read any book you want on the subject of child-rearin', and you'll find
that every one of 'em is in favor of bud-nippin'”
“Says here, Sheriff, Sheriff, it’s time, it’s time.”
"Daylight's precious when you’re a youngin'."
“Gilly, you don't run a car fast all the time, you drive her slow ever now and
then.”
“SPEED,SPEED,SPEED, that's all you ever think about!”
"Watch your foot, I'm gonna rock forward."
“Two and two make four.”
“There’s my darling person.”
“Tall, dark, and a door prize.”
“Slack off! Slack off!”
“You’re beginning to get to me.”
“I lit into him like a windmill in a tornado.”
“You’re my youngun, and I love you more than anything or anybody in this world.
And nothing or nobody is going to ever change that.”
“A little slower, please.”
“And quit hollering at yourself in that looking glass.”
“See what a mess you got me in, Blackie?”
“Here at the rock……”
"Well, she’s gonna need Plugs, Points, Bearin’s, Valves, Rings, Starter Switch,
Ignition Wires, Water Pump, Fuel Pump, Oil Pump, Clutch, Clutch Bearin’s,
Clutch Plates, Brake Linin’, Brake Shoes, Brake Drums, Radiator Hose an’
Radiator Hose Couplin’. An’ I’d give ’er a good wash, too."
"According to you, the Lord made two sexes--men and blabbermouths."
"That was well put, Aunt Bee. Well put."
“Well, Wynken will tell Blynken, Blynken will tell Nod, Nod will tell Barney,
and Barney will tell you.”
“Just like Fifi, the upstairs maid.”
"Opie, stockin's is somethin' a lady WEARS!"
“Aunt Bee, where you keep the soka craders?”
“Ahhhhhhh, blood brothers!”
“I’ll send your regrets to the secretary of the Navy.”
"I guess that makes you sheriff now."
“She sure does kick up a fuss, don’t she?”
“Don’t give him my Mr. Cookie Bar, that’s for later on, when I get my sinking
spell.”
“A slender, high spirited person needs his sugar pick me up, late in the day.”
”I don’t drive on the left anymore. Course I don’t drive on the right but I’m
half way there.”
“Aren’t you kind. Aren’t you kind.”
“Dogs, nothin' but dogs. Andy, if you flew a quail through this room, every
woman in it would point.”
“Now, I'll drive, so I'll sit in the front seat.”
“I just seen Jeff Pruitt standing on the corner picking up girls.”
"During our lifetime we travel many roads..."
“First thing we do is cut our wrists with a knife.”
“Just jump in where you can and hang on.”
“Just a bed and a bible.”
“Thought about killin him, kinda hated to go that far.”
“I can't stand crowded ball rooms.”
"Suck in that gut."
"Opie, ask Barney again why he wants to go to the duck pond."
“You got a uvula, I got a uvula, all God’s chill'en got a uvula!”
"Sometimes in the mornin', I look down at my eggs, and I see your face right
there in them."
“Cause like I said, you’re the cats.”
“Some of us got it, and some of us ain’t.”
“One thing about gypsies though, they’re moody.”
"Aw. It's going to be a red-letter day in Mayberry if the whole Ladies' Church
Aid Committee gets crocked!"
“That’s just one subject you just can't talk enough about...SIN”
“You aughta write that up and send it to the FBI. Call it the Barney Fife,
Peter Piper, Nose Pinching Test for Drunks.”
“Sooner or later, someone had to spell it right.”
“And take that gun out of your mouth.”
“Where’s my plaque, gimme my plaque.”
“Never Hit Yer Grammaw With a Great Big Stick.”
“Who you callin' a creachter?”
"Alaska? That's the same thing I told her! I wonder who that nut was?"
“Maybe you’ve read my column? Meandering with Margaret?”
“You wouldn’t kill a carp where you come from?”
“No! No more’n we’d kill a Pike.”
“Well, it was the first time I ever kissed a doctor.”
"Doggone it, Andy, I hate it when you get obtuse!"
“Great beans, Aunt Bee.”
“Naw. It don't have to be. It can be a cousin like me.”
"Better phone him, Al."
"Will you quit callin' me Al?"
“Jubal, Jubal, Jubal, Jubal, Jubal.”
“Huuuuuuuuuuuussssssssh.”
“Now you want to hear me sing Eatin Goober Peas?”
“I ain't talkin', I ain't talkin'. The more you're askin', the more I'm
balkin'!”
“It’s a hollow victory.”
“Looks dark, might be spiders down there.”
“Damp under there. Could be spiders!”
“Gomer, get down there with them spiders.”
"He called you a hick trouble maker, so I kicked him."
“...cuuuuuuuuurious...”
“Is that what your body is, a weapon?”
“Barney Fife the bulkhead.”
“Well, just wait til you catch that bad old criminal. Theeeeeeen I’ll tell
them!”
“Done and done!”
“Do you know what Sheriff Taylor keeps in the trunk of the squad car? A shovel
and a rake!”
“Ain't you got a jack?”
“But what will happen to her? She doesn't know how to do anything, She can't
fish, catch frogs or play baseball. She’ll be helpless.”
“Mayberry, gateway to danger.”
“If I don’t drink milk, my bones will get soft.”
“Oh, it’s just a pleasure to sit there alongside of her and breathe.”
“Ain’t it a beaut?”
“Don’t tell my daughter-in-law.”
“Ok, you guys. Come on you guys, let’s go you guys beat it you guys.”
“No, he’s got it right….i before e, except after c, and e before n in chicken.”
“Oh yeah, I always forget that rule.”
“Pssst, all right Lefty, me and you’s busting out tonight.”
“Judy, Judy, Judy, Judy, Judy.”
“I don’t know how I can face the future, knowing there’s eight quarts of these
pickles in it.”
“It's not a whim anymore if you put on clean underwear.”
“You can tell the governor to put that in his smipe and poke it.”
“He ain’t stupid. He's ugly, but he ain't stupid.”
“Look a there, Mr. Tucker!”
“I was a pawn in the hands of a wiley woman.”
“You had your chance to fly with me, baby. But you wasn't woman enough. Now the
balloon is going up without you.”
“Poor Horatio!”
“You sure you don’t want to make that 4 cents. It’s tax deductible you know?”
“All I can say is if a pretty girl can turn your head at your age, heaven help
you when you're grown up.”
“Of course you smell gas! Whaddya think this car runs on? Coal?!"
“Love don't hold a stopwatch!"
“Boy, giraffes are selfish."
“No. I got it. Steel trap mind.”
“Are you coming with me? To get them dogs.”
“You see that foot? How could that great big foot, all of it, fit in my mouth?”
“Ernest T. Bass? You're a low down pesky buzzard, dog gone ya.”
“And last Sunday Preaching I caught him looking at Idelle Bushy and grinning at
her. I just don’t want him no more.”
“Jelsik, walk with me, Jelsik, dance with me, Jelsik, kiss my mouth."
“I ate four bowls! If that ain't a tribute to white beans I don't know what is.”
“Sick as a dog, but havin' the time of my life.”
“I don’t know why I keep getting my britches caught on my own pitchfork.”
“More power to ya.”
“And let me tell you.........he kissed her flat on the mouth!”
“Paw, what is peek-a-boo? Is that a game you play with babies?”
“First they tell ya to speak up then they tell ya to hush up.”
“No, it ain’t fair, paw. You didn't leave nothing for the worm.”
“Paw, can I run away some time? I wouldn’t go far and I’d tell you where I was
going. And say, maybe you’d like to come along.”
“And what does he get? Heartaches, nothing but heartaches.”
“I’m sure you’re pretty busy, Catching chicken thieves and whatnot.”
“Barney? I do believe we’ve just caught ourselves a chicken thief.”
“Aw, paw, can’t I even look at the pretty man?”
“No hat dipping in the horse trough.”
“Can you pick him out on a porch?”
“Darn it Andy, those pick pockets are mine.”
“Gee Mary Grace, it wouldn’t be right for you to go to the dance unadorned.”
“Nice, real nice.”
“You just had to go and egg her on.”
“The quality of mercy is not strained. It falleth like the gentle rain from
heaven. You aint’ talkin’ to a jerk, ya know.”
“Well, you and Aunt Bee are having fried chicken, and I’m having crow.”
“The old salt and pepper. It’s just right for the dips.”
“Yep, Romeo and Juliet just walked off arm in arm.”
“You, and me, and Gomer, and Laura Lee Hobbs, we’re going to meet that gold
truck.”
“And Romeo set up and said, “Well I’m right cheer.”
“Hark. They said hark a whole lot back then.”
“A soliloquy is when you look way off and talk to yourself. You do that today
and someone will take you away.”
“You can change the name of a rose but you can’t do nothing about the smell.”
“And it’s against the law to take the law in your own hands.”
“Andy, Mayberry will turn into a regular sin town.”
“Well, if it ain't Charlie Moneybags, the big philanthropist.”
“Paw, just what can you do with a grown women?”
“And then you go over to her mother’s. And you sit around there for, oh, say a
couple of hours.”
“And that’s it. It’s a fun day. No two ways about it, it’s a fun day.”
"No, no, no! Every pioneering inventor has suffered the same kind of ridicule.
It's right there in your history books, Ange. Take Alexander Graham Bell.
People laughed at him right over the telephone.”
“They…have…got….to…be…shown!”
“I make my whole body a weapon.”
“He one of ours?”
“You’re a fine son, Barn.”
“All of us Fifes is wiry.”
“Floyd Lawson, you're a miserable deceitful wretch!”
“Nip it. Nip it in the bud.”
“We will not sing. We will not sing.”
“Maude, Al, if those hamburgers are ruined, I won’t be responsible.”
“Wha-what do I know about love? Well, you can’t cut hair for 30 years without
learning something.”
“Aw, and now they’re announcing their nuptials.”
“You know what I would do right now if she walked up to me and offered me her
snow cone? I’d bite off the end, sip out all the syrup and hand it back to her.
What do you think of that?”
“Is that the idea I come up with, paw?”
“You better believe it, you little buzzard.”
“Hey Andy, don’t take any wooden nickels.”
“And if you don’t know how to speak French, we’ll oblige you by waiting til you
learn.”
“You know this morning I sure didn't enjoy havin' a hole in that boat. But I
tell you the truth right now I wouldn’t take a dollar and a quarter for it.”
“Too late Captain, I already 10-4’d ya.”
“Water and air's free. We don't make no charge for it. We do make a charge for
gas though, depending on how many times that pump out there goes ding, dong.
It's 30 cents a ding.”
“She’s an eight cylinder, she’ll take eight.”
“Aw, Dud, you’re the sweetest boy whatever growed.”
“Would you care to be my brother figure?”
“Beware of the Dog. No trespassing, no huntin’, no fishin’, open, closed, no
credit……barber shop.” .
“How do you do, Mrs. Wiley.”
“No coffee, tea, or punch, thank you.”
“See these front teeth? I was going knock them out, put the gold one right one
in the center, leave a space on each side, so it's stand out better that way.
Specially when I’m dancin’.”
“Stop that wedding!”
“He’s a nut.”
“I want to write my sen – tence.”
“You know what you’d find under that rock? A poss-tem.”
“Girls. I know I could get me a girl if I just had a uniform.”
“Surprise, surprise, I can see it in your eyes. It’s me, it’s me, it’s Ernest
T.”
“I’m a little mean, but I make up for it by being real healthy.”
“Busy, busy, busy, busy, busy.”
“You know what will happen if you give them 40? They’ll take 45. You know what
will happen if you give them 45? They’ll take 50. You know what will happen
if….”
“Of course I’m losing. How can I concentrate with all you talking.”
“And to think I was glad when you learned how to talk.”
“This cider’s turned hard!”
“In other words, ladies, you got gassed.”
“No thanks, Leon.”
“And little old ladies ought never to clank.”
“But spinach. Couldn't I see something else grow before my very eyes?”
“If they wanted to get hitched, it’s your job to hitch ‘em. Why didn't you
hitch ‘em, paw?”
“He'll tell me the same thing he tells me every time I see him. We’re no spring
chickens anymore. Well maybe he isn't.”
“What’s the matter? Haven’t you ever seen a man hanging in a closest before?”
“I haven’t finished making the samwiches yet, paw. I made a peanut butter and
liverwurst, peanut butter and bologna, and one with just peanut butter and
peanut butter.”
“Do a good day's work and] act like somebody!”
“Ain't we a-pickin' our peaches before they're fuzzed up good?”
“Let her rip.”
“Barney, that dog don’t like that whistle.”
“I swallowed my gum.”
“Why don’t you run up an alley and holler fish!”
“There, I said it and I ain't taking it back!”
“Will you help us?”
“And about that time, along come the Redcoats in their fancy suits, a’prancing
and a’waving to the girls.”
AND ONE FROM “The Courtship of Eddie’s Father” by Ronnie Howard:
“Dad? What do the numbers after a ladies name mean? Says here, 40, 18, 35.”
“Holy smokes, who’s that?”
Harriet, the chicken thief, hiding out in Kelsey's Woods, USA
....Johnny Paul Jason says chewing tar is good for the teeth......That's an
old wives tale....Johnny Paul ain't married.....
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