For Joe Suszczynski and anyone else 🙂
“Next time I go tiger huntin', I'm gonna take my tweezers.” “And here, a whole town stands still, cause two old women’s feet fall asleep.” “I wonder what causes that?” “ I got a hobby…….drinking!” “Where did you giiiit the liquor?” " If I’d aseen you acoming I’d aknowd what I'd do, I'd arisen both arms and I'd awoved at you." “The cage sure looks empty, don’t it Pa?” “It sure does, son. But don’t the trees seem nice and full?” "Boy, you fall down a well and you're wet!" "Those who chart the course of world events, shall forever remain nameless.” "You civilians just don't know how to think on your feet." “The ways of the creatures of the wild are many and wonderful.” "Man gets his best suit spotted and pressed, spends two hours polishing his hat, and for what? Heartaches!" “Its definitely no fun when that iron door clangs shut.” "I'm not standing in no stag line with Old Man Perkins and a bunch of slumped-over teenaged boys!" “Take a shot at him, sheriff. You got a right.” "Better known as big Maude Tyler, Clarisse Tyler, Maude Clarisse Tyler, Annabelle Tyler, and Ralph Henderson." “How can a person pay his debt to society with all this yapping going on?” “I don’t know where you younguns get your new fangled ideas.” “Well, then, can I tell you about the bugs?” “ And quit rubbing Opie’s head.” "Winkum, thinkum, nodamus rex. Protect us all from the man with the hex." "Got time to breathe, got time for music." “He’d kill ya.” "Don't that just clutch ya?" “He’s a pestilence, and a pestilence will find you. You just wait.” “Stop that boy, you want your face to freeze that way?” “I can’t take four dogs home. My wife hardly lets me in the house.” "Well, Bucket Mouth, do you know anybody that wants to buy a cannon?" “I can take some manners and I can take some cleaning up, and I can take a bossy mouth, but I ain’t about to be beat to death with no spoon.” “Most every book on child rearin' is in favor of bud nippin'!” “Says here, Sheriff, Sheriff, it’s time, it’s time.” "Daylight's precious when you’re a youngin'." “Gilly, you don't run a car fast all the time, you drive her slow ever now and then.” “SPEED,SPEED,SPEED, that's all you ever think about!” "Watch your foot, I'm gonna rock forward." “Two and two make four.” “There’s my darling person.” “Tall, dark, and a door prize.” “Slack off! Slack off!” “You’re beginning to get to me.” “I lit into him like a windmill in a tornado.” “You’re my youngun, and I love you more than anything or anybody in this whole world. And nothing or nobody is going to ever change that.” “A little slower, please.” “And quit hollering at yourself in that looking glass.” “See the trouble you got me in, Blackie?” “Here at the rock……” "Well, she’s gonna need Plugs, Points, Bearin’s, Valves, Rings, Starter Switch, Ignition Wires, Water Pump, Fuel Pump, Oil Pump, Clutch, Clutch Bearin’s, Clutch Plates, Brake Linin’, Brake Shoes, Brake Drums, Radiator Hose an’ Radiator Hose Couplin’. An’ I’d give ’er a good wash, too." "According to you, the Lord made two sexes--men and blabbermouths." "Well put, Aunt Bee. Well put." “Well, Wynken will tell Blynken, Blynken will tell Nod, Nod will tell Barney, and Barney will tell you.” “Just like Fifi, the upstairs maid.” "Opie, stockin's is somethin' a lady WEARS!" “Aunt Bee, where you keep the soka craders?” “Ahhhhhhh, blood brothers!” “I’ll send your regrets to the secretary of the Navy.” "I guess that makes you sheriff now." “She sure does kick up a fuss, don’t she?” “Don’t give him my Mr. Cookie Bar, that’s for later on, when I get my sinking spell.” “A slender, high spirited fellow needs a quick pick me up, late in the day.” ”I don’t drive on the left anymore. Course I don’t drive on the right but I’m half way there.” “Aren’t you kind. Aren’t you kind.” “Dogs, all of them dogs. Andy, if you flew a quail in here, every one of them would point.” “Now, I'll drive, so I'll sit in the front seat.” “I just seen Jeff Pruitt standing on the corner picking up girls.” "During our lifetime we travel many roads..." “First thing we do is cut our wrists with a knife.” “Just jump in where you can and hang on.” “Just a bed and a bible.” “Thought about killin him, kinda hated to go that far.” “I hate crowded ball rooms.” "Suck in that gut." "Opie, ask Barney again why he wants to go to the duck pond." “You got a uvula, I got a uvula, all God’s children got a uvula!” "Sometimes in the mornin', I look down at my eggs, and I see your face right there in them." “Cause like I said, you’re the cats.” “Some’s got it, and some’s ain’t.” “One thing about gypsies though, they’re moody.” "Aw. It's going to be a red-letter day in Mayberry if the whole Ladies' Church Aid Committee gets crocked!" “That’s just one subject you just can't preach enough about...SIN” “You aughta write that up and send it to the FBI. Call it the Barney Fife, Peter Piper, Nose Pinching Test for Drunks.” “Sooner or later, someone had to spell it right.” “And take that gun out of your mouth.” “Where’s my plaque, gimme my plaque.” “Never Hit Yer Grammaw With a Great Big Stick.” “Who you callin' a creachter?” "Alaska? That's the same thing I told her! I wonder who that nut was?" “Maybe you’ve read my column? Meandering with Margaret?” “You wouldn’t kill a carp where you come from?” “No! No more’n we’d kill a Pike.” “Well, it was the first time I ever kissed a doctor.” "Doggone it, Andy, I hate it when you get obtuse!" “Great beans, Aunt Bee.” “Naw. It don't gotta be. It can be a sister or an uncle.” "Better phone him, Al." "Will you quit callin' me Al?" “Jubal, Jubal, Jubal, Jubal, Jubal.” “Huuuuuuuuuuuussssssssh.” “Now you want to hear me singing Eatin Goober Peas?” “I ain't talkin', I ain't talkin'. The more you're askin', the more I'm balkin'!” “It’s a hollow victory.” “Looks dark, might be spiders down there.” “Gomer, get down there with them spiders.” "He called you a hick trouble maker, so I kicked him." “...cuuuuuuuuurious...” “Is that what your body is, a weapon?” “Barney Fife, bulkhead.” “Well, just wait til you catch that bad old criminal. Theeeeeeen I’ll tell them!” “Done and done!” “Do you know what Sheriff Taylor keeps in the trunk of the squad car? A shovel and a rake!” “Ain't you got a jack?” “But what will happen to her? She can’t do anything, like fish, catch frogs or play baseball. She’ll be helpless.” “Mayberry, gateway to danger.” “If I don’t drink milk, my bones will get soft.” “Oh, it’s a pleasure just to sit next to her and breath.” “Ain’t it a beaut?” “Don’t tell my daughter-in-law.” “Ok, you guys. Come on you guys, let’s go you guys.” “No, he’s got it right….i before e, except after c, and e before n in chicken.” “Oh yeah, I always forget that rule.” “Psst, hey Lefty, you and me’s busting out of here tonight.” “Judy, Judy, Judy, Judy, Judy.” “I don’t know how I can face the future, knowing there’s eight quarts of pickles in it.” “It's not a whim if you put on clean underwear.” “Put that in your smipe and poke it.” “He ain’t stupid. He's ugly, but he ain't stupid.” “Look a there, Mr. Tucker!” “I was a pawn in the hands of a wiley woman.” “You had your chance to fly with me, baby. But you blew it. Now the balloon is going up without you.” “Poor Horatio!” “You sure you don’t want to make that 4 cents. It’s tax deductible you know.” “All I can say is if a pretty girl can turn your head at your age, heaven help you when you grow up.” “Of course you smell gas! Whaddya think this car runs on? Coal?!"” “Love don't hold a stopwatch!" “Boy, giraffes are selfish." “No. I got it. Steal trap mind.” “Are you coming with me? To get them dogs.” “You see that foot? How could I get that foot, that great big foot, all of it, in my mouth?” “Ernest T. Bass? You low down pesky buzzard, dog gone ya.” “And last Sunday Preaching I caught him looking at Idell Bushy and grinning at her. I just don’t want him no more.” “Jelsik, walk with me, Jelsik, dance with me, Jelsik, kiss my mouth." “I ate four bowls! If that ain't a tribute to white beans I don't know what is.” “Sick as a dog, but havin' the time of my life.” “I don’t know why I keep getting my britches caught on my own pitchfork.” “More power to ya.” “And let me tell you.........he kissed her flat on the mouth!” “Paw, what is peek-a-boo? Is that a game you play with babies?” “First they tell ya to speak up then they tell ya to hush up.” “No, it ain’t fair, pa. You left nothing for the worm.” “Paw, can I run away some time? I wouldn’t go far and I’d tell you where I was going. And say, maybe you’d like to come along.” “And what does he get? Heartaches, nothing but heartaches.” “I’m sure you’re pretty busy, Catching chicken thieves and whatnot.” “Barney? I do believe we’ve just caught ourselves a chicken thief.” “Aw, paw, can’t I even look at the pretty man?” “No hat dipping in the horse trough.” “Can you pick him out on a porch?” “Darn it Andy, those pick pockets are mine.” “Gee Mary Grace, it wouldn’t be right for you to go to the dance unadorned.” “Nice, real nice.” “You just had to go and egg her on.” “The quality of mercy is not strained. It falleth like a gentle rain to earth. You aint’ talkin’ to a jerk, ya know..” “Well, you and Aunt Bee are having fried chicken, and I’m having crow.” “The old salt and pepper. It’s just right for the dips.” “Yep, Romeo and Juliet just walked off arm in arm.” “You, and me, and Gomer, and Laura Lee Hobbs, we’re going to meet that gold truck.” “And Romeo set up and said, “Well I’m right cheer.” “Hark. They said hark a whole lot back then.” “A soliloquy is when you look way off and talk to yourself. You do that today and someone will take you away.” “You can change the name of a rose but you can’t do nothing about the smell.” “And it’s against the law to take the law in your own hands.” “Andy, this town is turning into nothing but a sin town.” “Well, ain’t you the Mr. Moneybags.” “Paw, just what can you do with a grown women?” “And then you go over to her mother’s. And you sit around there for, oh, say a couple of hours.” “And that’s it. It’s a fun day. No two ways about it, it’s a fun day.” "No, no, no! Every pioneering inventor has faced the same fate. It's right there in your history books, Ange. Take Alexander Graham Bell. People laughed at him right over the telephone. They…have…got….to…be…shown!” “I make my whole body a weapon.” “He one of ours?” “You’re a fine son, Barn.” “All of us Fifes are wiry.” “Floyd, you deceitful wretch!” “Nip it. Nip it in the bud.” “We will not sing. We will not sing.” “Maude, Al, if those hamburgers are ruined, I won’t be responsible.” “Wha-what do I know about love? Well, you can’t cut hair for 30 years without learning something.” “Aw, and now they’re announcing their nuptials.” “You know what I would do right now if she walked up to me and offered me her snow cone? I’d bite off the end, suck out all the juice and hand it back to her. What do you think of that?” “Is that the idea I come up with, paw?” “You better believe it, you little buzzard.” “Don’t take any wooden nickels, Andy.” “I don’t know where you young folks get your new fangled ideas.” “And if you don’t know how to speak French, we’ll oblige you by waiting til you learn.” “You know this morning I sure wasn’t happy that boat had a hole in it. But right now I wouldn’t take a dollar and a quarter for it.” “Too late lieutenant, I already 10-4’d ya.” “Water and air are free. We make a charge for gas depending on how many times the pump goes ding - $ .30 a ding.” “She’s an eight cylinder, she’ll take eight.” “Aw, Dud, you’re the most beautiful thing what ever was born.” “You want to be my brother figure?” “No trespassing, no huntin’, no fishin’, open, closed, no credit, barber shop.” “How do you do Mrs. Wiley.” “No coffee, tea, or punch, thank you.” “See these front teeth? I was going knock them out, put a gold one in the middle, leave a little space on both sides so it’ll stand out. Specially when I’m dancin’.” “Stop that wedding!” “He’s a nut.” “I want to finish my sen – tence.” “You know what you’d find under that rock? A poss-tem.” “Girls. I know I could get me a girl if I just had a uniform.” “Surprise, surprise, I can see it in your eyes. It’s me, it’s me, it’s Ernest T.” “I’m a little mean, but I make up for it by being real healthy.” “Busy, busy, busy, busy, busy.” “You know what will happen if you give them 30? They’ll take 35. You know what will happen if you give them 35? They’ll take 40. You know what will happen if……” “Of course I’m losing. How can I concentrate with all you talking.” “And to think I was happy when you learned how to talk.” “This cider’s turned hard!” “In other words, ladies, you were gassed.” “No thanks, Leon.” “And little old ladies ought never to clank.” “But spinach. Can’t I watch something else grow up before my very eyes?” “If they wanted to get hitched, it’s your job to hitch ‘em. How come you didn’t hitch ‘em, paw?” “I know what the doctor will say. He’ll say, We’re no spring chicken anymore. Well maybe he’s not.” “What’s the matter? Haven’t you ever seen a man hanging in a closest before?” “I haven’t finished making the samwiches yet, paw. I made a peanut butter and liverwurst, peanut butter and bologna, and one just peanut butter and peanut butter.” “Now, you act like somebody!” “Don’t pick your peaches til they’re fuzzed up good.” “Let her rip.” “Boojum Snark, spirit of the fire, Brillan Trance, spirit of the water, Grovely Barch, spirit of the ash.” “Barney, that dog don’t like that whistle.” “I swallowed my gum.” “Why don’t you run up an alley and holler fish!” “There, I said it and I ain't taking it back!” “Will you help us?” “And about that time, along come the Redcoats on their horses, a’prancing and a’waving to the girls.” “Little old ladies aught to never clank.” “If you are riding a motocycle and you open your mouth with the tip of your tongue on the roof of your mouth it is impossible to say a word that begins with the letter S.” “You should always keep the jail cell key in the desk drawer.” “A penny struck by lightning is worth two cents.” “Thunder is just two clouds bumping into each other.” “If you have chickens to throw, you have chickens to sell.” “The color black makes a person look so thin.” “The name'e Hoggette, it’s French.” “It is OK to drink elixer during National Potato Week.” “Be sure to take your name off Girlie Magazines before you throw them in the dump.” “Never two time your girlfriend by going out with a girl with a peanut butter name. (Skippy)” “Baked Alaska is a new dessert that came out when Alaska became a state.” “A salt and pepper suit is just perfect for the dip when you are dancing.” “Don't chew your cabbage twice.” “Birds talk to each other.” “It is easier to play a horn if you Andy Gump your chin a little.’ “Women should let the men worry about government business.” “If you see a man dressed in black riding a white horse east to west, a divorce is null and void.” “There are worse things than being a hick; like being a hungry one.” “Music hath charms to soothe the savage beast.” You're welcome, Harriet, the chicken thief _______________________________________________ WBMUTBB mailing list [email protected] http://www.wbmutbb.com/
