Microsoft and Harley-Davidson to Merge
The Board of Directors of the Microsoft Corporation, the world's
largest computer software provider, and the Harley-Davidson Motor Company,
America's largest manufacturer of heavyweight motorcycles, have voted to
approve
a merger that will create one of the world's largest but strangest
multinational corporations.
"When you think about it, it only makes sense," said Harley-Davidson
Director of Communications Steve Piehl. "We both share the same fundamental
design philosophies: Our products are large, antiquated, slow, full of bugs
and break down at the most unexpected moments. We like to think of this
natural marriage as synergy."
Microsoft representatives declined to comment, pending a Justice
Department review. However, incriminating e-mails will be available soon.
The new company will be known as Micro-Davidson and based neither in
Redmond, Washington nor Milwaukee, Wisconsin but somewhere in between.
Company representatives have been scouting sites along the Wyoming/South
Dakota border. Instead of moving to an existing township, the cash-rich
conglomerate plans to build its own.
Micro-Davidson reps denied a rumor that they plan to petition Congress
for statehood, but told Motorcycle Online that buying a few counties is not
out of the question.
Micro-Davidson will trade simultaneously on both the NYSE and Nasdaq
stock exchanges under the symbol WERULE. Financial details of the merger
have not been made public but it is expected to be a stock for stock exchange.
Currently in the works is an entirely new motorcycle model, the first
from the new M-D. Named the MicroHog, the new cruiser will be powered by a
brand new engine, the Twin Cam 95.1 -- an air-cooled, push rod V-Twin
containing an Intel Pentium III processor that will automatically load
Internet Explorer 4.0 upon thumbing the starter button and overwrite all
competing browsers while disabling most non-genuine Harley-Davidson parts.
Following Microsoft's example, MicroHogs will not be owned outright by
the purchaser, but rather licensed for personal use. Upgrades will be
available, the price of which depends on the market.
M-D's software side will receive some pointers from the former Motor
Company as well. "Instead of that soft, shrill squeak you hear when you boot
your computer or open a new program, you will now hear a loud rumble and
your keyboard will vibrate," said Piehl. "And, of course, there will be a
waiting list for the most popular programs."
Fears have risen regarding the formation of the proposed high-low tech
monolith. Software developers and aftermarket providers claim that the
MicroHog's design will not run competing programs or aftermarket
accessories, effectively creating a monopoly in both personal computer
operating systems and heavyweight cruiser motorcycles and accessories.
"Yeah," said Piehl, barely containing his giggling. "They're screwed."
As of press time America Online/Netscape and Sun Microsystems were in
negotiations with S&S Motors and
;-)
kathy
[who forgot the smiley on the first one]
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