the truth is finally revealed! :)
cindy
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> >
> >
> >Subject: Santa is a Woman
> >
> >(BECAUSE A MAN COULDN'T MEET THE DEMANDS OF THE JOB...)
> >
> >I think Santa Claus is a woman .... I hate to be the one to defy sacred
> >myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big,
> >organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time
> >believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!
> >
> >For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting
> >gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind
> >of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they - with
> >amazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping
> >spree.
> >
> >Once at the mall, they always seem suprised to find only Ronco products,
> >socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might
> >think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband
> >tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th hour
> >decision-making burden.) on this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a
> >woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up
> >Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree,
> >still in the bag.
> >
> >Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all,
> >there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and
> >strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate
> >claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already
> >be on the way to the taxidermist. Even if the male Santa DID have
> >reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would
> >inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to
> >stop and ask for directions. Add to this the fact there would be
> >unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would
> >stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the flue. He would also need to
> >check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under
> >every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly
> >upright 90-degree angle.
> >
> > Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
> > - Men can't pack a bag.
> > - Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
> > - Men would feel their masculinity is threatened.. having to be
> > seen with all those elves.
> > - Men don't answer their mail.
> > - Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in
> >jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowl full of jelly."
> > - Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
> > - Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their
> >ability to pick up women.
> > - Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
> >
> >I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men ......
> >Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite
> >guy. Cupid flies around carrying weapons. Uncle Sam is a politician
> >who likes to point fingers. Any one of these individuals could pass the
> >testosterone screening test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance. As long
> >as we have each other, goodwill, peace on earth, faith and Nat King
> >Cole's version of "The Christmas Song" it porbably makes little
> >difference what gender Santa is. I just wish she'd quit dressing like a
> >guy!!
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