"The economy is in bad shape. The economy is so bad China is now making toys
out of synthetic lead."
- Jay Leno
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Graduating Class
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=e69e049c51c4f906e1aead5bfe285fb3
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"Tim Geithner should have the U.S. Mint create a new series of commemorative
coins featuring the financial institutions that contributed to the economic
meltdown. ("Oh, look, Honey! An AIG from the Denver Mint!") 'In God We Trust'
would be replaced with 'You're Fucked'."
- Bill in Portland Maine
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"The economy is in bad shape... Miss California went to a gay wedding just for
the free food. That's how bad the economy is."
- Jay Leno
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Credit Card Co's
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=00868e347ffb6323f391d59b080393cc
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Let's Move Their Cheese
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB124157594861790347.html
Incentives work, all right. Just look at the way our bankers come back to
bonuses, finding in every occasion a good opportunity to cut themselves a slice
of largess. Their determination is unrelenting, monomaniacal. It's like
Republicans returning to tax cuts, the universal solution to every problem. ...
Another way incentives work is this: They have kept the debate over incentives
from getting off the dime for years. There is no amount of shame that will
deter the bonus class from pressing their demand, no scandal that will put it
off limits, no public outrage over AIG or Enron or really expensive Merrill
Lynch trash cans that will silence the managers' monotonous warble: "Attract
and retain top talent!"
And there is no possible objection to inflated compensation you can make that
will not be instantly maligned as senseless populism.
In truth, however, the verdict has been in for years. Pay for performance
systems, at least as they exist in many places, are a recipe for disaster.
What they have "incentivized" executives to do, in countless cases, is not to
perform, but to game the system, to smooth the numbers, to take insane risks
with other people's money, to do whatever had to be done to ring the bell and
send the dollars coursing their way into the designated bank account. ...
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"The government says Bank of America needs to raise another $35 billion. The
bank plans to get the cash by holding some Somali pirates hostage."
- Jake Novak
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The Results....
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=eab0dec3e05b5cf67f76c369d2301856
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"President Obama went after Cayman Islands tax-sheltered companies Monday He
has to reshape the American perception that it's cool to be rich, live in the
tropics and pay no taxes. It's been twenty years since a drug lord was the bad
guy in a movie."
- Argus Hamilton
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Obama Targets Corporate Loopholes
http://www.americanchronicle.com/articles/yb/129412456
President Obama detailed a plan Monday to recover billions in revenues by
closing overseas tax loopholes used by corporations, drawing both praise and
scorn.
"It's a tax code that says you should pay lower taxes if you create a job in
Bangalore, India, than if you create one in Buffalo, New York," Obama said in a
midday address to explain the need for his proposal.
Obama said the "common sense" changes would raise an estimated $210 billion in
tax revenues over 10 years. The proposal drew a lukewarm response from
Congress, which must approve many of the changes. ...
The government would go after offshore tax shelters and foreign bank accounts
used by corporations and individuals to drastically lower their tax liabilities
in the United States.
"There are people out there who sequester money overseas and have been doing it
for years, and they shouldn't be allowed to do that," said Charlie Smith, chief
investment officer of Fort Pitt Capital Group in Green Tree "And now those
people are nervous."
"Closing loopholes is usually a good idea," said Malcolm Polley, chief
investment officer for S&T Wealth Management Group in Indiana, Pa. "It seems
logical that (Obama) would go after the wealthy by going after overseas tax
havens and sheltering of (money) in foreign banks."
More than $86 billion of the $210 billion in recovered taxes would come from
curtailing tax-avoidance maneuvers, especially involving corporations that
locate foreign subsidiaries and their profits in low-tax countries.
Obama said one address in the Cayman Islands "must be the world's biggest
building" because it is claimed as home to 12,000 businesses. ...
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Tax Protest
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=30890970bf3dbc295d009a04db4c3e15
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"A survey of the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development revealed
that people in France are better than anyone else at eating and sleeping. Every
other developed nation tied for second."
- Jerry Perisho
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How Un-American!
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=465ab3ec398aa780e4f3700805fd1bd8
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"Chinese bureaucrats in Hubei province were ordered Monday to smoke four packs
of cigarettes every day to help boost the local tobacco economy. How backwards.
Nobody in America's had to do that to keep his job since Jack Benny was
sponsored by Lucky Strikes."
- Argus Hamilton
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Unemployment Soars as Millions of US Jobs Determined Not to Exist
http://www.newsmutiny.com/pages/FakeJobs.html
The nation's unemployment rate skyrocketed today after a new report issued by
the New York Times revealed that 30% of the country's jobs don't exist at all.
Spurred by the collapse of AIG after it was discovered that the company doesn't
do anything whatsoever, the Times began investigating other companies with
similarly abstruse business models.
"I always just assumed AIG did something that had to do with money," remarked
New York Times researcher Brandon Torns, "But they don't even do that, whatever
that might have been. They do nothing."
Likewise, millions of Americans who until today were counted as employed --
mostly within the business, finance and marketing sectors, regularly do no work
at their jobs, which in many cases never even existed.
Thomas Brown of Hoboken, New Jersey spent 12 years at Comerica, another company
recently discovered to not do anything at all.
"I pretty much just put on a suit one day, walked into the building, sat down
at a desk, and before long they started giving me paychecks," recounted Brown,
"I filled an Excel spreadsheet full of random numbers in 1997 and kept it open
on my computer screen for over ten years."
Added Brown: "And I filled my briefcase with sunflower seeds and junk mail."
News of the report had a counterintuitive effect on Wall Street, which saw the
Dow Jones average rise 105 points while the NASDAQ gained 42, fueling
speculation that the stock market is completely made up.
Remarked one man: "Yeah, I've suspected that for a long time. I had some Burger
King stock once, and after they beat their quarterly expectations by like, a
trillion dollars, the share price actually went down a buck-fifty. I was like,
man, this stock market stuff is complete bullshit."
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Speaking of Growth....
http://thehill.com/images/stories/weyants/2009/May/cartoon050709.jpg
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"Chrysler has announced that it lost $16 billion last year, and expects to lose
$4 billion this year. Meanwhile, people who buy Chryslers this year are only
expected to lose 20 to 30 grand."
- Jake Novak
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The Boneyard
http://cagle.com/working/090501/day.gif
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"So, I guess the other big news you heard: Chrysler, bankrupt, finally. Yes,
this is very bad news for Chrysler drivers. I mean, besides the fact they drive
a Chrysler. ... Chrysler is partnering now with Fiat! They have a new slogan:
'Chrysler: It's supposed to make that noise'."
- Bill Maher
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"GM burned through another $10 billion in cash during the first three months on
2009. Things were going fine until March, when all the UAW retirees showed up
for their Viagra refills."
- Jake Novak
**********
Always....
http://cagle.com/working/090505/cam.jpg
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