Here's some real French victories: http://www.militaryfactory.com/battles/french_military_victories.asp
On Jun 18, 1:29 pm, Laurie Ann Poole <[email protected]> wrote: > - *Gallic Wars* > - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French > history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. > > - *Hundred Years War* > - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently > creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious > only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted. > > - *Italian Wars* > - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when > fighting Italians. > > - *Wars of Religion* > - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots > > - *Thirty Years War* > - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded > anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants > started ignoring her. > > - *War of Revolution* > - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. > > - *The Dutch War* > - Tied > > - *War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War* > - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded > Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French > military power. > > - *War of the Spanish Succession* > - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, > which they have loved every since. > > - *American Revolution* > - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France > claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is > later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French > Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting." > > - *French Revolution* > - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. > > - *The Napoleonic Wars* > - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of > a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. > > - *The Franco-Prussian War* > - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl > home alone on a Saturday night. > > - *World War I* > - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. > Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a > winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of > condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French > bloodline. > > - *World War II* > - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as > they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. > > - *War in Indochina* > - Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu > > - *Algerian Rebellion* > - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim > force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We > can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of > the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and > Esquimaux. > > - *War on Terrorism* > - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and > Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail > after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. > > The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not > be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France > collapses?" > > "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an > accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage." -- You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "WebTV Dawgs/Dittos" group. To post to this group, send email to [email protected]. To unsubscribe from this group, send email to [email protected]. For more options, visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/webtv-pals?hl=en.
