ROFLM-M-(masturbating)-AO On Sep 17, 8:38 am, "Bill" <[email protected]> wrote: > September 17, 2010 > > Delaware Masturbators March Against O’Donnell > > Largest Pro-wanking Demonstration in History > > WILMINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – Galvanized by Republican senatorial > nominee Christine O’Donnell’s anti-masturbation stance, masturbators from > across the state converged on Wilmington today in what some are calling the > largest pro-wanking protest in American history. > > Carrying signs reading, “O’Donnell: Hands Off Our Masturbation,” the angry > masturbators clogged downtown Wilmington, stopping traffic for blocks. > > Harley Farger, a leading Delaware masturbator and planner of the Million > Masturbators March, said it was difficult to organize masturbators “because > they’re used to acting alone.” > > Mr. Farger, the executive director of the pro-monkey-spanking group > MasturNation, said that the “wank and file” of his organization believe that > masturbation is an inalienable right guaranteed by the Constitution. > > “Our country was founded by rugged individualists,” he said. “And you know > what individualists like to do.” > > He said that Ms. O’Donnell’s anti-whacking position was “ill-timed,” adding, > “In this economy, masturbation is one of the few simple pleasures people > still can afford.” > > Tracy Klugian, a homemaker and masturbator from Dover, Delaware, said she is > “puzzled” by what she sees as the contradictory nature of candidate > O’Donnell’s position: “If you’re against masturbation, why would you want to > serve in Congress?” > > A spokesman for the Wilmington Police Department, Crandall Darlington, said > that the Million Masturbators March could cost the city tens of thousands of > dollars, “especially when you include the cost of cleaning up afterwards.” > > Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
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