February 3, 2011

Obama Says He Will Resend Message to Mubarak, This Time in All Caps

White House Mulls Change in Font

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - Concerned that Egyptian President Hosni 
Mubarak did not receive his message to begin a peaceful transition to 
democratic reforms, President Barack Obama said today that he would resend the 
message "but this time in all caps."

Mr. Obama said that while he hoped sending a capitalized version of the message 
would be effective, "we have a variety of other options at our disposal, 
including resending it in bold."

In the days since it became clear that Mr. Mubarak did not receive the White 
House's initial message, Mr. Obama has been huddling with advisors to discuss a 
range of more drastic options, including changing the message's font altogether.

"We are fully prepared to go to a stronger font if that will help make our 
point to Mubarak," said one aide who spoke on condition of anonymity. "Right 
now every font is on the table except Comic Sans."

On the Republican side, former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin said that she would 
refrain from commenting on the situation in Egypt until she learned how to 
pronounce "Mubarak."

Meanwhile, at the National Prayer Breakfast, Speaker of the House John Boehner 
(R-Ohio) led all Americans in praying that they never need healthcare.


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