Because someone will have a hissy fit.
ASK AMY Saturday, December 16, 2006; C03 Dear Amy: When I visit my daughter and son-in-law, I find myself increasingly hurt because my husband and I are nowhere to be seen among the many family photos that are displayed. Photos abound of his parents and siblings, her sisters and brothers, my ex-husband and his wife, lots of their friends -- but not a single one of my husband and me. There isn't even a group shot that includes us. We are on excellent terms with my daughter and her husband, and -- except for this feeling of being left out -- I cannot imagine anything about our relationship that needs to improve. We are frequently invited to their home and they often come to ours (we live about 90 miles away). We are mutually generous with time, gifts and attention. I don't want to be so petty, but I feel deeply hurt, and it is getting worse with each visit. I feel so small about this. I haven't been able to discuss it with anyone -- not even my husband. I stayed with them at Thanksgiving and will be visiting again over Christmas. I haven't been able to pray, breathe or think my way out of this hurt place. I'm thinking about giving them a framed photo for Christmas, but then I feel hurt that we have to provide a photo to display rather than being among the "chosen" they select for their various frames and displays. Silly Mom When it comes to family relationships, feelings don't always have to make perfect sense to be perfectly legitimate. However, your conclusion that some people are "chosen" -- while you and your husband are not -- seems overblown. My theory about this is that because you and your husband are so frequently present in your daughter's life and home, it might not have occurred to her to immortalize you in a frame. You have one another in the flesh! Still -- because this hurts, give your daughter the benefit of knowing how you feel. Try not to act apologetic or indignant. Simply state your case and assume that she will understand. "Honey, I hope this doesn't sound silly to you, but would you mind putting out a photo of me and your stepdad? We'd love to see ourselves on your wall of fame." Once you've been honest about your feelings, then it is definitely time to work very hard to put this behind you.
