perfect --- morrigan <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
> I like to wake early, to take my breakfast tea in my > garden before I go to work at the hospital. My job > is stressful, but life is stressful at this time, > the war has seeped into our souls, we are all toxic > with grief. > > My garden is beautiful, there is a solitary quiet > here, the morning is still, sunlight wraps and warps > around the flowers and leaves. I can hear Yaeko in > the kitchen, she sings a soft tune, complementing > the birds who are perched nearby. > > I have yet to dress, it is warm and private here, so > I am happy to sit in my underclothes, and feel the > day rise from its slumber. Too often we do not take > the time to be with the nature that is around us, > and in turn, our own internal nature swirls > chaotically. > > Chaotically, chaotically, the words are barely > formed in my head before they are rendered invisible > by the huge white light, and then another fills the > whole horizon. At first I am stunned into > immobility, I watch fascinated as a lantern in the > garden becomes brilliantly lit and I wonder whether > this is caused by a magnesium flare or sparks from a > passing street trolley. > > The shadows in the garden recede. The birds have > stopped singing. Yaeko has stopped singing. The > view, which a moment previously had been glorious, > is now dark and hazy. Through the blurring dust I > can barely see my house, a wooden column that > supports the roof is broken and the building sags > dangerously. > > I move instinctively, my mouth is filling with the > fine powder thrown up by the rubble, everything has > been pulverised, I can barely see. I struggle > towards the house, I want to find Yaeko. Sharp > things puncture me, looking down I see that I am now > naked, I wonder for a moment where my clothes have > gone, how strange that my clothes have disappeared. > I am bleeding, blood is gushing from a deep wound in > my thigh and I can taste blood in my mouth. I reach > up with my hand, I feel my cheek, it has been ripped > open. I reach down, I feel my thigh, a huge splinter > is embedded in my flesh. My neck hurts, I feel with > my hand, my shaking hand, and I find a large shard > of glass, which I remove, pull out, matter of > factly. I stare at the glass in my blood drenched > hand. I feel faint. > > Where is my wife? Where is Yaeko? > > I shout her name, I shout as loudly as I can, but > blood begins to spurt, I wonder whether my carotid > artery has been severed. I don't know where my wife > is. I think I might bleed to death. 'Yaeko, it's a > 500 ton bomb. Yaeko, where are you?' And then I see > her, pale and frightened, emerging from our house. > Her clothes are torn. She is covered in blood. As > soon as I see her I know I have to control my own > panic. 'We'll be alright, but we have to get out of > here.' > > We are alive, and we must get to the hospital, I am > bleeding profusely, I know that I need medical help. > We walk a few short steps, but I have to stop, my > breath is short, my heart is pounding and my legs > give way from underneath me. I am thirsty, so > thirsty. I beg Yaeko to find me some water, but > there is none to be had. All around us houses are > collapsing, we must go on. > > I am still naked, and although I do not feel shame, > I am disturbed to note that all modesty has deserted > me. We round the corner and come upon a soldier > standing idly in the street with a towel over his > shoulder, I ask if he will give it to me in order > that I may cover my nakedness. He surrenders his > towel without a word and we walk on. Inexplicably I > lose the towel, but Yaeko ties her apron around my > loins. > > Our progress towards the hospital is slow, I cannot > walk, the blood is leaving my body at a terrifying > rate, it is drying on my skin, mixed with the dust > that blows along the street. My legs will not carry > me, I cannot go on, I have no strength, no will, I > have nothing left in me. I tell Yaeko to gone on. > She refuses at first, but I tell her that she must > go to the hospital to find someone to come back and > get me. She agrees, she can see this is a reasonable > thing to do. She looks deep and hard into my face. I > can see myself reflected in her eyes. Without saying > a word she turns and walks towards the hospital, in > a few short seconds she is swallowed by the dusty > gloom. > > I lie in the road, I put my head onto the warm > concrete, now I can only see sideways. I am passing > in and out of consciousness, blackness descending > from time to time, my mouth dry. The bleeding from > my leg starts again. I press my hand against the > wound, grinding in the dirt and dust, I press as > hard as I can and after a short while the bleeding > stops. > > I rise, determined to go on. I must reach the > hospital. My movements are painfully slow but my > mind is running at top speed. I am sweating. I have > lost Yaeko's apron, once again I am naked. I come > into an open space, and through the dimness I can > make out the silhouette of the hospital in front of > me. My spirits rise, because I know that now someone > will find me, even if I die, someone will find me. > > I stop to rest. I look around me. There are shadowy > forms of people, glazed and murky, the dust is > clinging to them and, although they are moving, they > look like corpses. Some look like scarecrows, their > arms held wide from their bodies, they are terribly > burnt and their raw skin surfaces agonise as they > rub together. I see a naked woman carrying a naked > baby, I look away, perhaps they had been in the > bath, but then I see a naked man, and I wonder if, > like me, the strange thing that had happened has > served to deprive us of our clothes. An old woman is > lying on the ground near to me, her face contorted > with pain, but she makes no sound, none of us make > any sound. In this dreadful hell of naked ghosts > there is no sound. > > ----------------------------------------------------- > > > "If I were asked to name the most important date in > the history and prehistory of the human race, I > would answer without hesitation 6 August 1945. The > reason is simple. From the dawn of consciousness > until 6 August 1945, man had to live with the > prospect of his death as an individual; since the > day when the first atomic bomb outshone the sun over > Hiroshima, mankind as a whole has had to live with > the prospect of its extinction as a species..." > Arthur Koestler >
