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First Woman President Nukes Iran
Susie Day, MRZine, USA, 1 March 2016
WASHINGTON -- President Hillary Clinton, making good on
<http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/05/04/clintons-obliterate-iran_n_100031.
html> her 2008 threat to <https://youtu.be/857guwaNbRc> "totally
obliterate" Iran, celebrated her first week in office by ordering a
<https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/B61_nuclear_bomb> nuclear strike on Iran's
capital city of Tehran. As a squadron of
<https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lockheed_Martin_F-35_Lightning_II> F-35s
streaked through the sky toward the Mideast metropolis of over eight
million, President Clinton outlined her foreign policy to a bevy of
reporters at a White House press conference.
"I'm not here to bake cookies, people," the President announced. "Women
CEOs have to be twice as good as the boys. Which is why I went nuclear.
You get the entire job done in an hour and a half. Funny you macho sexist
creeps didn't think of this."
Amid a hushed assemblage of media representatives, CNN correspondent
Christiane Amanpour was the first to speak, asking the president just why
she had done this.
"There's nothing in your
<http://www.nytimes.com/2015/09/10/us/politics/hillary-clinton-backs-iran-nu
clear-deal.html> 'Distrust and Verify' plan that should apply here, Madam
President," Ms. Amanpour said. "The Iranian government has not bombed
Israel; neither has
<http://news.yahoo.com/iran-complying-nuclear-deal-un-watchdog-165453766.htm
l> Iran been caught with nuclear material. And -- just to play devil's
advocate -- why can
<https://www.google.com/search?q=nuclear+Israel+site%3Aelectronicintifada.ne
t> Israel have nuclear weapons, while Iran can't?"
"You know, Christiane," smiled the president evenly, as she pressed a little
button on the podium to summon the Secret Service, "my friend, former
Secretary of State
<https://www.google.com/search?q=Albright%3A+There%27s+a+special+place+in+he
ll+for+women+who+don%27t+help+each+other> Madeleine Albright, once said,
'There's a special place in hell for women who don't help each other. . .'"
As Ms. Amanpour disappeared behind a posse of black-suited agents, the
president called on CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer.
"Not that I have any real problem with this," began Mr. Blitzer cautiously,
"but shouldn't <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_Powers_Resolution>
Congress have approved this strike?"
Eyes flashing defiance, fists methodically clenching then unclenching,
President Clinton announced that she was "fed up" with "male media bias."
"Ever since aerial bombardment was invented, white male American presidents
have launched missile strikes without congressional approval," the President
shot back. "My stars, look at
<http://monthlyreview.org/2015/05/01/honor-the-vietnamese-not-those-who-kill
ed-them/> Nixon; look at <https://www.fas.org/sgp/crs/natsec/RL30352.pdf>
Reagan. Look at
<http://theweek.com/articles/539263/obamas-warpowers-farce-want-limit-presid
ential-power-dont-start-illegal-wars> Obama paving the way for presidents of
color to <https://twitter.com/MicahZenko/status/695258208861052928> bomb
<https://twitter.com/JorgeGestoso/status/680028460891418625> Syria and
<http://www.nytimes.com/2015/12/28/world/middleeast/more-and-more-special-fo
rces-become-obamas-military-answer.html> Iraqwithout permission -- even
pioneering unauthorized
<http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2016/01/12/reflecting-on-obamas-presid
ency/obamas-embrace-of-drone-strikes-will-be-a-lasting-legacy> drone
strikes. Call this equal-opportunity Armageddon, but if
<http://apjjf.org/-Peter-J.-Kuznick/2479/article.html> Harry S. Truman can
drop the big one
<https://www.trumanlibrary.org/whistlestop/study_collections/bomb/large/>
without congressional approval, so can I."
Although some "it's-time-for-a-woman" presidential campaigners say they feel
betrayed by the president's nuclear strike, it does, in fact, square with
decades of Hillary Clinton's military policy. This includes Mrs. Clinton's
support for
<http://www.ibtimes.com/clinton-foundation-donors-got-weapons-deals-hillary-
clintons-state-department-1934187> massive government aid and commercial
arms sales to rightwing countries, including
<https://twitter.com/KumarsSalehi/status/685928243178766336> Israel and
<https://twitter.com/davidsirota/status/603186163189354496> Saudi Arabia;
<https://youtu.be/2ySJLIc5BJM> her 2002 votein the Senate for the war in
<https://twitter.com/ZaidJilani/status/704368855968260096> Iraq; and, as
Secretary of State, her military intervention in
<http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/28/us/politics/hillary-clinton-libya.html>
Libya. Interviewed on CBS News about the 2011 ouster of Libyan leader
<http://www.blackagendareport.com/content/butchering-gaddafi-america%E2%80%9
9s-crime> Muammar
<http://www.lrb.co.uk/v33/n22/hugh-roberts/who-said-gaddafi-had-to-go>
Qaddafi, Mrs. Clinton quipped,
<https://twitter.com/wikileaks/status/704490123128410112> "We came, we saw,
he died." Recently, former Republican Florida Representative
<http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2014/03/26/scarborough_hillary_clint
on_will_be_more_of_a_neocon_than_the_republican_nominee.html> Joe
Scarborough remarked, "Hillary is the neocon's neocon. . . . There's hardly
been a military engagement that Hillary hasn't been for in the past 20
years."
Indeed, there is some indication that, among neocons of note, Hillary
Clinton's presence in the White House may actually have advanced the cause
of
<http://www.thenation.com/article/why-this-socialist-feminist-is-not-voting-
for-hillary/> feminism. Reached by phone, former presidential candidate and
Hillary-hater <https://twitter.com/DailyMail/status/703950809424379905>
Donald Trump expressed "total support" for President Clinton's bombing,
admitting that, because of it, he has realized he is a "sexist pig."
"I used to think <http://monthlyreview.org/subjects/feminism/> feminists
wanted to tear down our
<http://monthlyreview.org/2014/07/01/surveillance-capitalism/>
military/industrialist complex and make it all sissy-socialist. But if
<http://monthlyreview.org/2014/11/01/welcome-to-post-feminism-and-the-left-i
s-obsolete/> feminists can help us get rid of the towel-head menace, they're
OK by me. You also got to admire how the little lady never really responded
to those <https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCihdrYOJZWKCRAR5v59d79A/videos>
Black Lives Matter
<https://twitter.com/Ash_Bash23/status/703273566800896001> activists who
kept <https://twitter.com/Ash_Bash23/status/703017144741732352>
interrupting her campaign -- proving conclusively that they don't matter.
And if <http://monthlyreview.org/2010/12/01/free-market-feminism/> feminism
had anything to do with how Hillary has not lifted a finger to change the
drug laws or sentencing guidelines that she and her hubby devised in the
1990s to overflow the <http://monthlyreview.org/subjects/incarceration/>
prisons with
<http://www.thenation.com/article/hillary-clinton-does-not-deserve-black-peo
ples-votes/> super-predators, I got to say, All Hail Hillary."
Adding that he regrets all the sexist things he has ever done or said in his
life, Mr. Trump announced that he now believes menstruation is "neat." To
atone for his sexism, Mr. Trump stated, he would sign an open letter being
circulated by a group of renowned misogynists, including Lawrence Summers
and Mel Gibson, apologizing for male chauvinism and promoting the global
equality of all the sexes, "providing they are of the Caucasian gender."
Meanwhile, in Iran, reports are that the mushroom cloud over Tehran is
dissipating, while fireballs, shockwaves, and radiation are beginning to
encircle the Earth, causing nuclear winter and the probable extinction of
life as we know it. Back at the White House press conference, Fox News
anchor Megyn Kelly speaks up.
"Madam President, I say with all humility that I am in awe of how you
overcame your weepy, liberal female concern for millions of supposedly
defenseless Iranians. Bravo. How did you do it?"
"Assertiveness workshops," answers President Clinton. "I also channeled the
powerful women in history, like Catherine the Great and Golda Meir. They
helped me to see my strike was a sort of 'bomb for a people in a country
without a bomb.' Besides, what did any of
<https://youtu.be/558NW8DI4L8?list=PLQbXtUcOCRRap0A5Id8ZKmGmoplVgw3Cy> those
<https://youtu.be/cawsYtfkKlo?list=PLQbXtUcOCRRap0A5Id8ZKmGmoplVgw3Cy>
Iranian
<https://youtu.be/3xzw3MytYCA?list=PLQbXtUcOCRRap0A5Id8ZKmGmoplVgw3Cy> women
ever do to get me elected?"
Laughing joyfully, the two women rushed across the pressroom, threw their
arms around one another, and hugged, like sisters.
_____
Susie Day is a writer. Her book
<http://www.abingdonsquarepublishing.com/snidelines.htm> Snidelines: Talking
Trash to Power is available from Abdingdon Square Publishing: <
<http://www.abingdonsquarepublishing.com/snidelines.htm>
www.abingdonsquarepublishing.com/snidelines.htm>.
From: http://mrzine.monthlyreview.org/2016/day010316.html
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