Actual call centre conversations !!!!! 

Customer:     "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get
through to enquiries, can you help?". 
Operator:     "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
Customer:     "It was on the door to the Travel Centre". 
Operator:     "Sir, they are our opening hours".   


Samsung Electronics 
Caller:          "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator:      "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are
talking about".
Caller:          "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly
states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC  wall socket
  and  telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the
number for Jack?"
Operator:      "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall". 

RAC Motoring Services 
Caller:          "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I
am travelling inAustralia ?" 
Operator:  " Doesn't the product give you a clue?" 

Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France
"If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering
wheel to the other side of the car?" 

Directory Enquiries 
Caller:               "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in
Cardiff please".
Operator:          "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling
Caller:               "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish
Bar but the 'B' fell off".

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. 
Operator:        "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller:             "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in
Scotland ".

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone
box told a worried operator: 

"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the
number on". 

Tech Support:      "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop". 
Customer:             "OK".
Tech Support:      "Did you get a pop-up menu?".
Customer:             "No".
Tech Support:      "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer:             "No". 
Tech Support:      "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up
until this point?". 

Customer:            "Sure You told me to write 'click' and I wrote

Tech Support:          "OK In the bottom left hand side of the
screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?" 
Customer:                 "Wow. How can you see my screen from

Caller:  "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just
realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks
will I have my file back again?". 

There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in
a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired
This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was
transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department.
Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is
currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination
without Cause". 
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator:         "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"

Caller:              "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with
Operator:         "What sort of trouble??"
Caller:              "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a
sudden the words went away." 
Operator:         "Went away?"
Caller:              "They disappeared."
Operator:         "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller:              "Nothing."
Operator:         "Nothing??"
Caller:              "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I
Operator:         "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get
Caller:              "How do I tell?" 
Operator:         "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller:              "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator:         "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the
Caller:              "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't
accept anything I type." 
Operator:         "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller:              "What's a monitor?"
Operator:         "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks
like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's 
Caller:               "I don't know."
Operator:          "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and
find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller:              "Yes, I think so." 
Operator:         "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if
it's plugged into the wall.
Caller:              "Yes, it is."
Operator:         "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice
that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just
Caller:               "No." 
Operator:          "Well, there are. I need you to look back there
again and find the other cable."
Caller:               "Okay, here it is."
Operator:          "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged
securely into the back of your computer." 
Caller:               "I can't reach."
Operator:          "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller:               "No."
Operator:          "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and
lean way over??" 
Caller:               "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right
angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator:          "Dark??"
Caller:               "Yes - the office light is off, and the only
light I have is coming in from the window. 

" Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller:               "I can't."
Operator:          "No? Why not??"
Caller:               "Because there's a power failure." 
Operator:  "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it
licked now.

Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your
computer came in??"

Caller:               "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator:           "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and
pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the
store you bought it from." 
Caller:                "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator:            "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller:                 "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I
tell them??"
Operator:            "Tell them you're too f*%king stupid to own a



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