I sympathize with you.  I too have an ailing mother, and an ailing father.
They are 91 and 92 respectively.  My mother has Alzheimer's and is slowly
slipping into some indescribable black hole.  My father has lymphoma and a
heart condition caused by his chemo treatments.  There are times when I'm
overwhelmed by the 'poor, poor, pitiful me' tape playing in my mind because
of the burden they are for me and the restrictions their care places on me.

During these times I allow myself to feel sorry for myself and even become
depressed.  I know that will pass.  When it does pass, sometimes not for a
couple days, I return to living my life a moment at a time.

When I do that I am comforted to realize again that WHAT I'm doing is not
important.  WHERE I'm doing it is not important.  WHAT I COULD BE DOING is
not important.  The only important thing is HOW I'm doing what I'm doing now
- the QUALITY I put into every task, no matter how small and insignificant,
or seemingly useless (like trying to talk your mom into going to the
doctor), or how many times I've done the task before.

There is only NOW, and you are only doing THIS.  So do it the best you can.
Do it with you whole being.

This is your life.  Live it to the fullest, with the most quality.

This is zen.



From: Zen_Forum@yahoogroups.com [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf
Of v
Sent: Wednesday, June 25, 2008 9:36 PM
To: Zen_Forum@yahoogroups.com
Subject: [Zen] Aging Mother


My mother is getting very frail. She has back problems. She does not 
want to go to the doctor. She rarely follows any advice. If I pester 
her enough, I may get some response in terms of her seeing a doctor. 

However, I honestly do not want to put the energy into her and her 
problems any more. She is like an energy vampire. I love her, but I 
get so much more positive from spending the same time and energy with 
my daughter or doing something else. 

I love my mother, but I do not think she should expect me to beg her 
to see her doctor. I also do not think that she should put the blame 
on others for her decisions not to go to the doctor. It is hard to 
explain, but basically it all comes back to me, and I am tired of it. 
In the end, she does whatever she wants regardless of how much anyone 
pleads with her to do the right thing. She seems to enjoy having the 
power to ignore medical opinions and endanger her health. 

I love her, but I am tired of her bullshit. I feel sad that I do not 
care more. I don't know. I know I will miss her when she dies. She 
could have done so much more to improve her health and to stay alive. 
She did not want to, and that makes me feel sad. 


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