V,
I sympathize with you. I too have an ailing mother, and an ailing father. They are 91 and 92 respectively. My mother has Alzheimer's and is slowly slipping into some indescribable black hole. My father has lymphoma and a heart condition caused by his chemo treatments. There are times when I'm overwhelmed by the 'poor, poor, pitiful me' tape playing in my mind because of the burden they are for me and the restrictions their care places on me. During these times I allow myself to feel sorry for myself and even become depressed. I know that will pass. When it does pass, sometimes not for a couple days, I return to living my life a moment at a time. When I do that I am comforted to realize again that WHAT I'm doing is not important. WHERE I'm doing it is not important. WHAT I COULD BE DOING is not important. The only important thing is HOW I'm doing what I'm doing now - the QUALITY I put into every task, no matter how small and insignificant, or seemingly useless (like trying to talk your mom into going to the doctor), or how many times I've done the task before. There is only NOW, and you are only doing THIS. So do it the best you can. Do it with you whole being. This is your life. Live it to the fullest, with the most quality. This is zen. .Bill! From: Zen_Forum@yahoogroups.com [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of v Sent: Wednesday, June 25, 2008 9:36 PM To: Zen_Forum@yahoogroups.com Subject: [Zen] Aging Mother My mother is getting very frail. She has back problems. She does not want to go to the doctor. She rarely follows any advice. If I pester her enough, I may get some response in terms of her seeing a doctor. However, I honestly do not want to put the energy into her and her problems any more. She is like an energy vampire. I love her, but I get so much more positive from spending the same time and energy with my daughter or doing something else. I love my mother, but I do not think she should expect me to beg her to see her doctor. I also do not think that she should put the blame on others for her decisions not to go to the doctor. It is hard to explain, but basically it all comes back to me, and I am tired of it. In the end, she does whatever she wants regardless of how much anyone pleads with her to do the right thing. She seems to enjoy having the power to ignore medical opinions and endanger her health. I love her, but I am tired of her bullshit. I feel sad that I do not care more. I don't know. I know I will miss her when she dies. She could have done so much more to improve her health and to stay alive. She did not want to, and that makes me feel sad. __________ NOD32 3216 (20080625) Information __________ This message was checked by NOD32 antivirus system. http://www.eset.com
