I hadn't read anything like that level of detail into Bills statement. It
seemed simple, and it *seems* simple. Just bloody difficult in practice.....
I'll give you an example from my own life - which is messy and bitty, as life
sometimes is... My 15 year old daughter lives with her father in the US. They
moved city (and she moved school) 6 weeks ago. 3 weeks ago she told me that he
(dad) was going to Vegas for 3 days on business and she would be looked after
by a friend (who turned out to be female, very reliable, very lovely) while he
was away. He didn't let me know anything about him going, or who was going to
be looking after said daughter. My immediate reaction was one
of......ermm.....anger-ish maybe. Something like that. But I decided to not
react and take it on the chin, so to speak. All was *well*, and calm. Another
couple of weeks down the line I was on the webcam to her (me in UK) and she
said 'Daddys gone to Hong Kong for 7 nights on business'. As much as I wanted
to have the reaction I had to situ number 1, I flipped out, at him, not at her.
The result of my *flipping* was that I have
now lost the relationship I had with my ex-mother in law, and have well and
truly had several good old nasty rants at him. Going back to Bills statement,
about it never being the other persons problem - I want so much to abide by
this idea. In practice however, yeah, it's bloody difficult. Will hope for a
better outcome for all involved the next time I'm in a position not to react
You see where I'm coming from..? It's not the specific situ as described above
that I'm interested in taking apart and analysing per se (I'm fully aware that
I could just not have reacted), although it does example what I'm talking
about, it's how more practised individuals than I have managed to *cope* (is
that the word I wonder?) with their lifes situations, drawing on their zen
practice over the years.
--- On Mon, 10/4/10, ED <seacrofter...@yahoo.com> wrote:
From: ED <seacrofter...@yahoo.com>
Subject: [Zen] Re: 'Having a problem with somebody' - Bill, et al
Date: Monday, October 4, 2010, 6:51 PM
Many, many things can be *said* about Bill's alleged statement: "when one has a
problem with someone, it is never theirs, it's always yours."
(1) It's a koan
(2) Truth, once it is spoken is no longer the truth.
(3) Truth cannot be asserted or denied.
(4) Every statement is 50% right.
(4) If one does not adopt some sort of attitude like this, no intelligent and
non-violent solution can be arrived at.
(5) I first heard such a statement made at a "Pursuit of Excellence" seminar
some 26 years ago in the form:
"If your wife is angry, how have you caused her anger?" (From memory)
(6) Or, if your wife is angry, and you want her not to be angry, then you have
a need, and *you* must change your ways so as not to rouse her anger.
Plenty of room for controversy, no? ;-)
--- In Zen_Forum@yahoogroups.com, "things_rose" <things_r...@...> wrote:
> Bill, in a previous post to DP you said something about when one has a
> problem with someone, it is never theirs it's always yours.