Rose,

You appear to have a complete understanding of the dynamics of the
situation. I too find it hard to control my anger on occasion. But my
hormone levels are lower due to age, so my emotional responses are
weaker. I say to myself: "You do what you do and you get what you get."

Cest la vie!

--ED



--- In Zen_Forum@yahoogroups.com, Rose P <things_r...@...> wrote:
>

I hadn't read anything like that level of detail into Bills statement.
It seemed simple, and it *seems* simple. Just bloody difficult in
practice.....   I'll give you an example from my own life - which is
messy and bitty, as life sometimes is... My 15 year old daughter lives
with her father in the US. They moved city (and she moved school) 6
weeks ago. 3 weeks ago she told me that he (dad) was going to Vegas for
3 days on business and she would be looked after by a friend (who turned
out to be female, very reliable, very lovely) while he was away. He
didn't let me know anything about him going, or who was going to be
looking after said daughter. My immediate reaction was one
of......ermm.....anger-ish maybe. Something like that. But I decided to
not react and take it on the chin, so to speak. All was *well*, and
calm. Another couple of weeks down the line I was on the webcam to her
(me in UK) and she said 'Daddys gone to Hong Kong for 7 nights on
business'. As much as I wanted to have the reaction I had to situ number
1, I flipped out, at him, not at her. The result of my *flipping* was
that I have now lost the relationship I had with my ex-mother in law,
and have well and truly had several good old nasty rants at him. Going
back to Bills statement, about it never being the other persons problem
- I want so much to abide by this idea. In practice however, yeah, it's
bloody difficult. Will hope for a better outcome for all involved the
next time I'm in a position not to react unfavourably......    You see
where I'm coming from..? It's not the specific situ as described above
that I'm interested in taking apart and analysing per se (I'm fully
aware that I could just not have reacted), although it does example what
I'm talking about, it's how more practised individuals than I have
managed to *cope* (is that the word I wonder?) with their lifes
situations, drawing on their zen practice over the years.   Rose

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