Yes, yes I hear you totally. It's something I'm drawn to, this idea that the 
problem isn't the other persons. Certainly the other way of looking at things 
isn't helpful.
 
Rose

--- On Tue, 10/5/10, billsm...@hhs1963.org <billsm...@hhs1963.org> wrote:


From: billsm...@hhs1963.org <billsm...@hhs1963.org>
Subject: RE: [Zen] 'Having a problem with somebody' - Bill, et al
To: Zen_Forum@yahoogroups.com
Date: Tuesday, October 5, 2010, 9:41 AM


  





Rose,
When I said that, I didn’t mean anything deep and significant.
What I meant was, when you have a problem with [fill-in-the-blank], that’s YOUR 
problem.  You can blame it on the object of your unease, but most of the time 
you can’t control the object, whether it be another person or a even a thing or 
situation – you can only control yourself and your reaction or relationship to 
that object.
In the personal case you shared with us you can’t really control your 
ex-husband, but you can talk with him about your unease in the situations you 
described.  It doesn’t really matter then what HE does.  He might agree to 
notify you ahead of time if he needs to go out-of-town.  He might tell you to 
stick it up your ass.  Unless you have a legal recourse (like you have a real 
fear your child is being neglected and in danger) there’s just nothing you can 
do about the situation.  It’s YOUR problem.  It’s not HIS problem and hopefully 
won’t become your child’s problem like it sounds like it’s already become your 
ex-mother-in-law’s problem.
…Bill!    
 



From: Zen_Forum@yahoogroups.com [mailto:zen_fo...@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of 
things_rose
Sent: Tuesday, October 05, 2010 12:12 AM
To: Zen_Forum@yahoogroups.com
Subject: [Zen] 'Having a problem with somebody' - Bill, et al
 
  



Hi Bill and Group

Bill, in a previous post to DP you said something about when one has a problem 
with someone, it is never theirs it's always yours. This is something that I 
have previously found VERY intruiging. I've investigated it recently in my own 
life, to a greater or lesser degree. I seem to be able to *manage* it with 
small issues, but with big issues...wow, it's difficult. Could you say more 
about it? What I'd really like is get some real life (possibly extreme?) 
examples of how this has worked out (peace of mind) for you maybe, or for 
others. To my western mind, the idea that *it* is not the other persons 
fault/problem is kinda counterintuitive. But I can see the potential for peace 
of mind in getting out of this particular habit of mind.

This has been swimming around in my brain for days now, so anyone, if you have 
any thoughts, that'd be great! And I don't really mean just soundbites and 
corny one liners, I mean actual examples from your life.

Thanks

Rose




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