I'm new to this group; allow me to introduce myself. I'm not used to being
this personal and I feel a bit vulnerable, but I have an inner need to reach
out to a Sangha, since I haven't been able to find one where I live.
I grew up Christian and became a fundamentalist anabaptist pastor. Now in
midlife, I'm a psychotherapist and Zen practitioner. My primary teacher is
Thich Nhat Hanh and I have also benefited from teachings from Chogyman Trungpa
Rinpoche, Pema Chodron and the Dalai Lama. I do not follow any religion or hold
on to any religious beliefs, but rather search for Truth (Dharma) wherever it
resonates with me and adjust those truths (because of impermanence) as need be.
I strive (without striving) to experience each moment of life (here-and-now) as
it comes to me. My worldview represents an attempt to integrate truth from
psychology (particularly psychodynamic and existentialist), philosophy
(especially Ken Wilbur), quantum physics, and an earth-centred spirituality. In
my attempts to find a Sangha, I have found only meditation centres that focus
more on beliefs than experience or practice. When I share my experience I am
met with comments like, "That's not Buddhism!" I am frustrated to find the same
resistance and judgment as I experienced in the church. Due to Depression, I
have been seeing an excellent psychotherapist for nine years. My main struggle
in life is the fear I have of looking deeply into my suffering and accepting
the strong emotions that come from that. As a psychotherapist (and human
being), I also encounter other's suffering and I must practice right diligence
in order to manage the pain and anger I experience as counter-transference. I
wonder how it is that humans can be so deliberately cruel to one another and
why compassion is so difficult to practice. Coming full circle, I realize that
I am caught in this same cycle of suffering--I do not stand outside of it. On
the bright side, integrating Buddhist psychology (i.e., impermanence,
non-discrimination and inter-being) has erased my life-long fear of death
(heaven just couldn't cut it for me!). Through the contemplation of the
Buddah-in-me (or Christ-in-me--it really doesn't matter), I am learning to love
myself more all the time; I'm actually kind-of happy with who I am on the Path.
I am in my second marriage; my wife is a wonderful woman who embodies Zen
wisdom without the need for the language. She is my soul mate and companion on
the Path. We live on a beautiful acreage, surrounded by water and lush, green
trees; innumerable birds (and a few insects, like misquotes!) and other
wildlife during the summer--it's black-and-white in winter (another kind of
beauty).
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Current Book Discussion: any Zen book that you recently have read or are
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