Merle, I didn't write it OR post it. You did. So just how does that make it MY fantasy?
Edgar On May 26, 2013, at 8:12 AM, Merle Lester wrote: > > > > get real..it's your fantasy...merle > > Merle, > > What a wonderful spiritual argument for raping teen girls! > > There may be hope for you yet! > :-) > > Edgar > > > > On May 26, 2013, at 4:29 AM, Merle Lester wrote: > >> >> >> >>> >>> Blessings in Disguise >>> By Anonymous >>> >>> Legend has it that a notorious outlaw once roamed the Northern plains of >>> Tibet whose crimes included robbery, rape, and murder. His reputation >>> spread far and wide, instilling fear in all who crossed the Tibetan >>> Plateau. This fierce and fearless bandit thought nothing of assailing >>> groups of travelers and taking and raping whatever and whoever he liked. >>> Then, one day, he came upon a caravan that included a beautiful, spiritual >>> woman who was the consort of a revered guru. This particular guru was known >>> for his ability to manifest to those he met in a form that would most >>> benefit them according to their personal needs. >>> Apparently, the woman also had this unusual, yet powerful gift. Seeing her >>> beauty, the bandit kidnapped and raped this devoted woman several times. >>> Yet shortly afterward, the bandit renounced his life of violence and took >>> up the path of a wandering monk. Over the years, he became a great healer >>> and some say even a saint. He lived in service to all he met. >>> When the man was old and on his death bed, someone asked him what had >>> changed him all those years ago. He grew quiet for a moment and thought >>> back to the rape, remembering how the woman had looked at him with such >>> tenderness and understanding. He leaned back on his bed, closed his eyes >>> for the last time and answered, "It was her absolute compassion that >>> changed me." >>> When I first heard of this legend many years ago, its message spoke >>> directly to my soul. As a war child who carried a legacy of tremendous >>> abuse and violence, I knew the story had something to teach me about the >>> curative power of compassion. >>> The daughter of a U.S. soldier who took a Vietnamese woman as his wife, I >>> am one of 25,000 Amerasian children born as a direct result of this >>> country's involvement in the Vietnam War. My mother and I immigrated to >>> this country when I was eight months old. >>> The year was 1974. The war was nearing an end, and my father dropped us off >>> in Long Beach, California. Then he left to fulfill his tour of duty. My >>> mother had no money, no family, no way of going home, and a new babe in her >>> arms. With little more than a third-grade education, she worked seven >>> nights a week to support us. >>> I will never forget the excitement I felt years later when Mother announced >>> she had hired a woman named Gloria to take care of me. As a child so often >>> left alone to fend for myself, a babysitter sounded like a guardian angel >>> in the flesh – a gift, pure and simple. Nothing could have prepared me for >>> what would actually come my way. >>> My world suddenly turned dirty and terrifying. For the next three years – >>> at the hands of my caretaker Gloria – I became the victim of daily sexual >>> perversion and brutality. I had no power over my own body, felt no feelings >>> save anger, and endured a near-fatal wounding of my soul. My pain and >>> ignorance made self-destruction and abuse seem normal, even intriguing at >>> times. >>> Gloria made it so easy – I was the center of her universe and, in truth, >>> she was the center of mine. I wanted love, even if I had to pay the devil >>> in secrets. My head swirled with contradictory feelings as love became >>> entwined with feeling bad, dirty, and shameful. I learned to leave my body >>> during those twisted nights; it was the only way to survive. >>> By the time I entered puberty, rape, violence, and seduction were the >>> ordinary components of intimacy. At fourteen, I followed the siren call of >>> love again. I went with John, an eighteen-year-old crush, to his house and >>> was violently raped. Why would I, a victim of long-term sexual abuse, enter >>> such a dangerous situation? Perhaps I was destructively repeating the >>> pattern Gloria had started. >>> I only remember being excited to be going home with John, hoping like any >>> naïve fourteen-year-old to hold his hand or be kissed. I had no idea that >>> sexual terror came in the shape of men as well as women. Now that I saw >>> good reason to be afraid of everybody, regardless of gender, I instead >>> became afraid of no one and nothing. Disassociation had helped me get >>> through the first traumatic abuse with Gloria, and now it worked again – >>> ultimately leading me to feel nothing at all, not during the rape, and not >>> after. Not for a long, long time. >>> >>> I handled major traumas like sexual abuse, being chased by a gang member >>> with a gun, or watching my neighborhood go up in flames when the Rodney >>> King verdict sparked the L.A. riots with surprising ease. No one could hurt >>> me; I could walk away from any person or situation and feel nothing. In >>> fact, I became the hunter. >>> I was attractive and men were everywhere. If a man had money, respect, and >>> an impressive pedigree – all of which I lacked and believed would keep me >>> safe – he became my prey. A few times, I felt something I thought of as >>> love, but not for long. Sex, money, alcohol, and lies always tied me up >>> into a suicidal knot of loneliness and despair. No matter who or how much I >>> got, I was never satisfied. >>> During those years of numbness, I saw my life in terms of absolutes: >>> situations were always either good or bad. I now understand that life isn't >>> really that way. Most moments generally contain a little of both. >>> Even when I look back at some of my worst experiences, I can see beauty, >>> love – even innocence. The universe had been blessing me all along. Some >>> blessings were obvious, like summers spent with my sister Diana and her >>> family, or Mother bringing home our first puppy. Even my brother Tim >>> brought an unexpected gift when he led me to believe that meditation could >>> give me the power to levitate. In a funny way, he turned out to be right. >>> I started to meditate, and slowly my spirit began to lift. I did not see >>> flashing lights, but I did feel moments of pure joy, a flicker of hope that >>> life could be different. I had a new secret, only this was a good one. >>> Little by little, the heavy rock of shame I carried inside me began to >>> dissolve. >>> Then, at the age of nineteen, I met a wise and gentle woman. We talked for >>> hours about my life and my suffering. She told me of a Tibetan prophecy >>> that predicted a dark age of chaos, suffering, and ignorance. The prophecy >>> stated that out of this darkness, an equal amount of light would come into >>> the world in the form of healers. >>> "Such a healer is a Bodhisattva," she said, "one who lives for the benefit >>> of all other beings." Her words were like a lightning strike to my soul. >>> Could this painful journey of mine have been a part of my spiritual path >>> all along? Could my suffering be somehow linked with the spiritual >>> development of all sentient beings? Did my sufferings contribute in some >>> way to the evolution of the planet? >>> I couldn't decide what to believe, but her words offered me a new way of >>> seeing my life. I opened to the possibility that my suffering could >>> actually be a gift, that the harshness of the journey was proportional to >>> the learning I could gain, and that my greatest tormentors were also my >>> greatest teachers. And in this I found forgiveness – both for them and for >>> my own transgressions. >>> Not only did this perspective help me accept and understand my past, it >>> opened a path to an unforeseen future. Like the bandit on the plains of >>> Tibet, my life took a deep banking turn toward a life of healing and >>> service. >>> My first lesson was to realize that my tendency to be judgmental, >>> impatient, and angry only perpetuated my suffering and sent a ripple effect >>> of suffering into the lives of those around me. Understanding this, I made >>> my personal healing a top priority, eventually gifting myself and others >>> who were thus freed from the burden of my unhappiness. >>> Healing came full circle when I realized this essential truth: suffering >>> does not belong to me alone, and any healing forged in me is a healing for >>> the whole. >>> Mindfulness practice has been a great resource in my healing. When the mind >>> and senses become still, our body-being has a chance to come into harmony >>> with nature as the essential self emerges. >>> The embodiment of this quality can clearly be seen in the beautiful woman >>> who met the bandit's savagery with compassion. Her behavior suggests a full >>> realization of Buddhism's basic teaching: suffering exists when we attempt >>> to secure our relationship with the "world out there" instead of with the >>> "world inside here." >>> According to this teaching, when we relinquish attachment to body, mind, >>> and emotions, we lose the fear of death and thus transcend the primary >>> cause of suffering and pain. Mindfulness practice reveals the essential >>> emptiness beneath emotions, and the impermanence of mental constructs and >>> concepts. Freedom from misery follows, as our higher nature – blooming with >>> compassion for the human condition – begins to flower. >>> Healing is, in a very real sense, a second birth, an awakening in which we >>> engage consciously by going after the truth that sets us free. When I began >>> to see my early traumas as the path of a healer in the making, a second >>> life began. When we re-conceive suffering as the potent contractions of the >>> soul giving birth to a spiritual path and higher purpose, pain becomes a >>> guide – a signal alerting us to what needs attention. >>> If we don't listen to pain for what it's telling us, we run the risk of >>> going numb and distracting ourselves in any of the myriad ways readily >>> available. In The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle writes, "…it is easier to >>> wake up from a nightmare than an ordinary dream." >>> In other words, extreme suffering provides an alarm that can awaken us from >>> the nightmarish state in which we are separate from God. What we awaken to >>> is a deep reservoir of wholeness that stretches far beyond what we normally >>> see as ourselves. To realize that fullness, we need to let go of many >>> notions and convictions, to literally die to our old concept of who we are. >>> The fire of our suffering can actually help us to burn through to this >>> deeper discovery. >>> Likewise, the fire of desire and the deep pleasure of sex can draw us >>> closer to the present moment where old wounds can be released. Years of >>> mindfulness practice taught me how to stay present and breathe through >>> whatever arose on the meditation pillow – be it excruciating knee pain, >>> extreme boredom, or angry frustration. In time, I brought this same >>> mindfulness to lovemaking. Sex became a meditation. >>> In so many ways, this practice is what finally brought me home to my body >>> and to a healed sexual life, closing the gap in self-connection that >>> disassociative processes had carved. I no longer had to abandon my own >>> pleasure to an old reactive pattern. Breathing my way through it all, I >>> discovered that awareness heals. >>> I had always paid a price for my disconnection. Or as I see it now, I did >>> not really pay any price but was repeatedly and lovingly reminded that I >>> could not be free of sexual suffering, of any suffering, by trying to >>> escape it. I would need to accept and integrate my sexual self in full, all >>> of it – the pain, the learning, the Gloria, and the glory. >>> For more than a decade I struggled with health complications all centered >>> in my sexual and reproductive organs. As I moved toward greater compassion >>> and gratitude for all my lovers, even the Glorias, I found my medical >>> symptoms disappearing as if by magic. One after another I let go of my >>> painful experiences, of the anger and guilt, of proclaiming myself Victim >>> or Perpetrator. When I stopped coupling alcohol, even one glass of wine, >>> with sex, I stopped getting the yeast infections that had plagued my >>> relationships. >>> Since then my single purpose in sexual relationship has been to unite >>> spirit with body, to find pleasure in consciousness and consciousness in >>> pleasure. I no longer have to abandon my sexual response or my sexual >>> health to the old reactive patterns of seduction, fear, power, and control, >>> of juggling who would be hunter and who hunted. Breathing my way through it >>> all, I could love and be loved in safety, feeling ecstasy and ultimate >>> surrender with my eyes wide open. >>> Over the years, sexual suffering has come to me in many forms. I've been >>> sexually attacked by women and men, humans and microorganisms, family, >>> strangers, myself, and my own body. I now see that each of these has been a >>> spiritual signpost saying, "turn here; look here; walk here." >>> Suffering powerfully points us toward God by challenging us to open and >>> stay open – to override the impulse to shut down. Vital to the healing >>> process is an attitude of acceptance and surrender. >>> Indeed, suffering itself is often a clear signal that we have shut down >>> with blame, self-condemnation, and guilt – popular detours thoroughly >>> modeled on daytime television. When we understand this signal and trust >>> enough to let go and open to the experience of the moment again, then we >>> can truly begin to face the actual in-the-moment pain. This is when we >>> begin to heal. >>> This, then, is the great gift that suffering offers us: a challenge to dig >>> deeply, to find within us an untouchable state of well-being, a place of >>> wholeness and joy that exists independent of changing circumstances and the >>> actions of others. This is what I call using suffering to know God. >>> Suffering has a way of pointing us Home and inviting us to let go and >>> discover the grace and wholeness underlying it all. Seeing this again and >>> again builds faith, a deeply lived faith that embraces fully the process of >>> life. >>> Rather than shutting down and disassociating in situations that are >>> difficult, I now subtly move toward the mystical abyss of surrender and >>> letting go. And with that movement, I feel ever more connected to God and >>> to Truth. >>> As Rumi said, "Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and >>> find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." Even >>> the most painful experience can be transformed into understanding with the >>> eyes of compassion. Once we learn to see through the disguise of our >>> suffering, we delight in the realization that only angels surround us. >>> >>> Note: The above is an edited excerpt from a compilation of essays in the >>> enlightening book The Marriage of Sex & Spirit, edited by Geralyn Gendreau. >>> For an awesome, two-page essay filled with empowering ideas on how to >>> transform from being a victim to a powerful creator, click here. >>> >>> The above is an essay from one of the free Personal Growth Courses offered >>> by PEERS >>> >> >> > > > > >
