I certainly know one can beat oneself up -- over everything -- including 
beating oneself up over beating oneself up.  I would sometimes conclude that "I 
need to beat myself only enough to motivate myself to right action, but not so 
much that the flogging's weaken me".  This is a nightmare and completely the 
wrong approach.  (Not to imply that any of you use it).

It seems when I accept my practice, and it underlies my motivation for 
acheiving a "zen what-have-you" and it underlies my "self-critquing" and it 
also underlies "my intellect trying to optimize the necessary amount of 
self-critiquing" -- then things become much much simpler.  Each time I notice 
me doing any of the above, I actually sigh in relief!  I think, "Thank god I 
noticed, now I can finally stop it."  

Thus the more I notice this extra behavior the more often i notice this extra 
behavior.  If I ever think I'm not "advancing" quickly enough and worry this is 
too lackidaisical an approach, I think, "Thank god I noticed such pointless 
worries... now I will stop those too."  Of course the stop only lasts about 5 
seconds before some other hydra-head replaces it, but from what I understand 
this will change in time...

Any critiques or advice for me?

Rod Scholl


-----Original Message-----
From: mackkup [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
Sent: Wednesday, February 09, 2005 5:16 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [Zen] Re: Can't we all just get along? (whine)




i appreciate your reply and your right about beating myself up. thats 
just one of many walls im working on breaking down. slowly but surely 
i am working towards letting life flow instead of fighting it at 
times. during the times i fight i believe my ego has taken over and 
wants things to go its way hence the conflict, instead of letting 
things go the way. i am learning that i am responsible for my 
feelings and that the outside doesnt dictate the way you feel on the 
inside.


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