Yes, but you have met a real 'doctor' as you've said...  When one is either not 
visited by dragons, or too blind to see the dragon's tail they stand on -- 
ordering a book pointing to dragon-land is perhaps consulting a map (knowing it 
may be a fake), in favor of wandering aimlessly.  (Not to say that that 
wandering aimlessly is not also whole-heartedly tried intermittently).

My criticism, Fudo, is that you seem to me as though you think one 
automatically recognizes a teacher, and this is not my experience.  What if one 
is so poisoned that even doctors look like fakes?  When I ask anyone who is the 
wisest person they know, the trail leads in circles or to charlatans (or most 
frightenlingly back to me -- but I repeat myself :)... Let alone recognize a 
teacher -- I can't even recognize a teaching as more than a drugged morsel of 
poetry -- a small realization dressed in silk to woo my senses.  What I realize 
today, will be seen as foolish illusion in five years (i've proven that 6 times 
over).  At the seventh out of weariness, I seek at least a shorter circle in 
this repetitive game.

You say 'find a teacher' and I say 'I don't know what I want to be taught and 
so far no one's given any good suggestions as to a subject of study'.  If the 
question of "what do do" is always answered with a "how to do it" -- and the 
reflexively follow-up question of "why do it" is then labeled as pointless 
resistance/stalling, then humanity's condition is worse that I feared -- 
meaning any progress, past or future, is an elaborate fantasy, with only the 
most bold being left to lead.  This would make Guantama the core of Zen's 
particular multi-level-marketing hydra.

I can't recommend it, but after such thoughts, often one instead then turns to 
studying medicine (even via amazon) both to help oneself and help others who 
come after...  

(feeling particularly pissy, tonight -- probably unrelated to not sitting all 
weekend... ;)

Rod Scholl





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